How do I support DH through this?

[LemonMousse]

Early the other morning DH left the house leaving a note that he 'couldn't take any more' and that he'd 'had enough'.

I didn't raise the alarm for 3 hours as I just assumed he'd gone to work as normal (he always leaves the house really early before anyone else is up) and didn't see the note until I got up about 3 hours later.

Thankfully the police found him before he could do anything but he admitted he was thinking about it. We've had a lot of upset lately with stupid rows and major fallouts with his family - work is a bit stressful for him with lots of changes - it's all built up and caused his depression.

We've seen his GP who referred him immediately to the Crisis Team who have talked to him and me and he assured them his feelings of wanting to take his own life had passed. They are sending a report to his GP who will hopefully contact him tomorrow (they said it would take a couple of days).

In the meantime we are left in limbo - the crisis team suggested counselling but can't prescribe medication - 'That will be up to your GP' - if the GP doesn't get the report by tomorrow the surgery will be closed for Easter. Should I be pushing? Is this normal in these situations?

He alternates between tearful and silent - he can't talk to me about how he feels and I am policing his every move. We keep going for walks with the dog as it gives us something to do.

His family are being really supportive - calling, texting, offering lifts even though he's been really horrible to them lately - they say they know it's 'not him' and it was the way he was feeling.

I am frightened and feel very alone and out of my depth.

You poor thing.

He really, really needs to get to see his GP ASAP. Make an appointment. Your GP will be able to prescribe him anti depressants or other treatments and get him into the waiting list for counselling if needed. The crisis team have given you a bit of duff advice (not unheard for) as waiting for the report to go to the GP was completely unnecessary, especially since he needs such acute help.

Get an emergency appt. if you think he's starting to feel suicidal again then call out of hours immediately.

Here if you want to chat.

Thank you - we were kind of assuming that the GP wouldn't prescribe without the report. He said he wouldn't prescribe until after we'd seen the crisis team but I'll definitely book him in tomorrow - we are lucky that there is always a doctor available at our surgery who has emergency appointments to dish out.

I can't believe I've sat around for 2 days thinking we had to wait for the GP to get in touch. We've never had to deal with anything like this before so don't know how to proceed - I feel a bit stupid now, and bad, for not pushing for poor DH.

He may not have wanted to prescribe before crisis as there's psychiatrists attached to crisis teams who can prescribe meds. When they assessed your DH, if he'd been suicidal they may also have put it in place that they brought round a days tablets at a time, for example. The psych may also have made recommendations for certain tablets.

As they've discharged him straight back to your GP then you need to get there tomorrow to get some help from there. Maybe anti depressants or possibly something like diazepam to get him through the first week or so while waiting for ADs to kick in.

He / she should make you both aware that it's really common to feel worse when you start on ADs and they can take at least a couple of weeks to kick in, which is why diazepam may help at first.

Don't feel bad or stupid though. The crisis team should've explained all of this to you. You can't be expected to know the system, but they should do and should've made things clearer.

I'd talk to the doc about that too. It's possible that your GP a thinks your DH a has been under care for the last few days when he's not.

Take care of you too, by the way. Dealing with this isn't easy on the people who are being supportive as well as the one who is ill.

Gosh thanks - that's really helpful to know all this. They did say go back to your GP and we'll send our report and I asked 'How long does that take? and she said 'Just a couple of days' - it may be that I interpreted that wrong - we were all upset, stressed and very tired as we didn't get to see the crisis team until 10 pm that night and DH had been up since about 4.30 am and had walked around for about 5 hours while he was missing!

I think a follow up phone call from them the next day would be beneficial just to ask 'How are things today?' and to offer advice but I suppose their case loads are too huge to get in to that.

Hi Lemon - did you get to the GP today? Hope things are as well as they can be.

Thanks for your concern unbelievable - yes, he spoke to his GP and has a prescription for Fuoxetine which he's just started today. His GP agreed with me (I spoke to him first) that the hospital should have told him to go back to him the next day - though I do think it was more my misinterpretation of their words.

Anyway - he knows that the meds may make him feel worse before they make him feel better (GP explained all that). He's definitely a bit more positive - we went shopping together yesterday, even had a coffee while we were out and he's walked the dog alone a couple of times (not one of the easiest things to do, letting him out of my sight but I want him to feel he can trust me).

He's still quiet, but not tearful and has been quite chatty with visitors. Fingers crossed.

Oh - and as of yesterday the GP still hadn't received the report from the crisis team!