Poor poor me

[WinkyWinkola]

I feel so low but also feel that I shouldn't be so self pitying. I just don't really know how to make things better.

I'm 16 weeks pg, married with one son of 18 months. I'm not looking forward to my second child. The arrival of the first saw such a fuss from DH's family. I was overwhelmed, upset and felt like hell and felt like I couldn't and would never cope. It's ok now but I'm worried I won't be able to stop the frenzy for the second child. It's my MIL that is most frenzied, OTT and interfering about babies. I'm still quite bitter towards her for her undermining behaviour and trying to take over with my first child. DH and I used to argue about this all the time and went to a marriage counsellor about it.

DH seems to be going through some sort of crisis at work where he's not at all happy. He comes home, complains about it a lot, sometimes rants etc. He is looking for another job so he is being proactive about it. I try to be sympathetic but after awhile, tiredness overtakes me and I have to go to bed.

Our sex life is zero. I'm just not interested. Haven't been for a long time. I just don't seem to have had a libido for say two years now. DH is greatly unhappy with that too. Can't say I blame him. He seems to think I tricked him into marriage with the rampant sex we had when we first met that has now tailed off. It's a source of tension too especially when I feel so tired and nauseous and not up to sex, although the nausea is getting better.

We're also hoping to move house before Christmas. I'm dreading the extra strain that will put on us, both in terms of the stress of moving and the financial cost.

My 18 month old son is a super child. He's such a nice kid, good fun and I adore him. But he's still not sleeping through the night. This makes me so weary even though I nap in the day when he naps. I'm not big on leaving him to cry but I have tried this and he works himself up into a shaking, tear filled, red faced frenzy. So, I get up three or four times a night to soothe him - still breastfeeding - and as a result, I'm knackered.

I just feel that there is no sphere of my life that is ok at the moment. Even enjoying life with my son seems to be marred by exhaustion and being less patient than I should be. Is this the way it is when you have kids? Just take it a day at a time? I just want to feel happy, enjoy each day as it comes. I seem to be always waiting for things to get better rather than relishing the here and now.

Anyone else feel this way? I'm sorry for such a long post. Thanks for reading it and getting this far. Sorry if I've made anyone else feel low!

Hey
I dont feel that you should feel like this just because you have kids!?
Can you talk to you MW/HV about how your feeling and your concerns!?
As for the MIL I guess gentle assertiveness is the only answer to her behaviour!
It sounds like you have alot of stress at the moment it would be hard enough normally but being pg to must be making it feel 10x worse!
Things will get better esp as some of the things you mention should be shirt term strains ie moving house, DH job, pregnancy and most of the others sound like they can be resolved talk to your DH about how you truly feel about MIL and look to him for some support about controlling her behaviour and as for the sex life maybe address that when you're feeling a bit brighter (and not pg) I wnet off sex totally when I was PG but it came back!

crumbs- you've not had a full night's sleep in eighteen months, now wonder you feel a bit crappy and have zero sex drive. It's very very common for there to be a sex drought when you have young children; your DH isn't being entirely fair if he blames you for your sex life not being up to honeymoon standards. Sounds like you need to try and crack the sleep - maybe your GP/HV would have some ideas?

Hi Winky, sorry you're feeling like this. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and it DOES get better. I too suffer from a MILFH (from hell) and she is an interfering c)w at times. You will find that the great excitement with child number 1 is not the same as child number 2 and to keep her out of your hair when you've just given birth and are feeling really emotional, let her look after ds1 - she can take over for a few days and will hopefully leave you and dh alone in hopsital for most of your stay. Ask to stay in for a few extra days then at least hopsitla visiting times will keep her away from you. If you haven't call a caller ID phone, buy the wee device you can get for under £10 - that saved mny life when I was going through IVF, SIL was pg and MILFH was on a mission to send me over he ede. I just never answered her calls and if she came round, didn't answer my permanently locked door (said I must ahve been sleeping if asked where I had been). Gives you some breathing space.. Get a plan of action in place - even in your head and you will probably feel more positive.
Can you wait till after Xmas to move? Would take some of the pressure off you.
Sex life? Wots that???? I went off sex 3 years ago when dd was born (briefly resumed it after ds was born 15 m before her) and am still not there fully. Most of my friends are the same I hate to say but your GP can help. Leave it till after the pregnancy though cos it might get better all by itself.
Yes being exhausted with baby #2 is normal - totally and utterly expected. You are not a super sonic machine and you need to rest. Don't feel guilty. Be there for dh but look after yourself too. Does ds go for an after noon nap? Go for 1 at the same time. If not, stick on a dvd and cuddle up together on the couch for an hour. Can you stop the breastfeeding? It willbe draining you too and he may settle for longer on hungry baby or progress formula. My gp told me to try Medised for dd as she never slept for long. It is so draining. You could also print out your post andtake it to your gp and/HV and just hand it to them. Not as embrarssing as saying it in person and then they will be able to help you.
I really feel for you, I was similar to you a few years ago but it DOES get better and you will get through it. You may find MIL finds 2 LOs too much like hard work and she may not be so interfering if she has 2 kids screaming at her. Or use her tobabysit so you cna go for a walk, go to shops etc, she will soon find it's too much like hard work!!#ANd, get your shopping doen online etc etc, does help.
Good luck and all the best. Get the caller ID - best thing I did.

Hi Winky - There is a book called "Teach Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night" by C Schaefer - available on Amazon. It saved my sanity. It's a small book and after 11 months with no sleep it worked in 3 days. I so wished I had read it months before. My non-sleeper is now 14. Once I used the book, we were all so much happier, and she started to have daytime naps as well. The book will help you get the basics right for number 2 as well. Worth its weight in gold. Let me know how you get on.

Big hugs to you and don't feel you're bein self pitying at all.

Can I ask, is Ds grandchild #1? My MIL was so involved with her DGD that I was very very hurt when she was so 'not interested' about my DS (my #1 so I suppose I got touchy) but TBH I would have gone mad if she had been as full on with DS as she was/is with DGD. Maybe she will have mellowed by the time your bump arrives.

And about your sex life...it took me 18-24 months before I got any form of libido back. I think we 'did it' (read that with a Rik Mayall voice) 4 or 5 times in that period. DS is 3 and now I'm back in rampant teenager mode DH is so happy about that now.

I remember at 16 wks pg I woulds roar buckets about anything, it's OK to feel overwhelmed and everything is wrong. Don't worry, it does work out in the end.

On the positive you say DS is a super child. As my GP who worked me through my delayed PND said, 'it's not a question of bein perfect but good enough.' I never really understood that until I went to the house of someone I imagined to be a domestic godess and was shocked to find it was a 'dump', That made me feel so much more relaxed about my self. Your enterin the realms of a second child. I think that makes you so fantastic as I'm not oin there...ever.

Your marvellous, don't worry and have another cyber hug

apologies....I'm having problems with my G key!