Hurt and struggling to cope

[MisterNice]

I suffered a break up about a month ago. I'm completely devastated and having a terrible time coping with the hurt. I never did anything to deserve the break up and I begged her to try and work things out. The doctor has put me back on fluoxetine. I have terrible morning sickness and spend most days crying. I'm a very sensitive and emotional person and I suffer with depression and anxiety. I can't sleep or eat. I felt faint driving the car so I went to see the doctor and my heart rate was 130bpm so he gave my an ECG and prescribed me with beta-blockers. I was told I'm suffering with shock. I'm so scared and I just don't know what to do. I can't believe this is happening to me. Every day is torture. Please can someone help me. I'm so upset.

Oh bless you. What a truly awful time you're having.....I don't know what advice to give but wanted to respond in the hope this thread will start to be seen by others who will be able to help you and offer some advice and support. xx

I never did anything to deserve the break up

You didn't have to. She is perfectly entitled to end a relationship for any reason.

What do you want help with? Because if it's getting your ex to ale you back you are barking up the wrong tree. Get yourself well and move on.

Uh, typos, phone.

Hi MisterNice, I'm a bit confused, are you pregnant?

Hi MisterNice, I'm a bit confused, are you pregnant?

Morning sickness is a side effect from fluoxetine and my anxiety only enhances the problem. The effects are much worse in the morning.

I don't believe that any considerate person should end a relationship on a whim but there is nothing anyone can do to remedy the situation.

Thanks for your support nelehluap. Unfortunately most people don't understand mental illness. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my entire life. It helps me to know that someone cares and can offer some reassuring words. I just wish someone could hug me and tell me it's going to be alright.

Not to harp on but of course someone can end a relationship on a whim.

You are not entitled to have a relationship with anyone.

And if I'm honest, havin a relationship with someone suffering from depression and anxiety is really hard work, so there's a reason right there if you need one.

Is your ex a mumsnetter?

I though morning sickness was something you only had when you were pregnant too Otherwise it's "I feel sick in the morning", or "i feel sick of a morning etc". Never heard anyone use the term "morning sickness " outside the context of pregnancy before

feel nauseous in the morning, etc

Not to harp on but of course someone can end a relationship on a whim.

In my opinion, anyone that ends a relationship on a whim has no moral values and a complete lack of consideration toward the other person. If you feel that way about relationships then you shouldn't even have a relationship. This is why divorce rates are no high, as opposed to a time when people were committed to working out their problems, for better or worse. My parents have been married for over 50 years. They never had such a cheap and shallow attitude towards relationships.

My ex also suffered with anxiety and depression but it didn't make me love her any less. The same way I couldn't not love someone that happened to be a diabetic. Like I said, if people have such a shallow opinion about what it means to be in a relationship, they shouldn't even be in relationships to begin with.

Fucking hell, so in your opinion entering into a relationship with someone is a binding contract?

It's becoming clearer why she left you..

Well, if you think she is cheap and shallow, hurtful as it is, maybe you are best off out of it.

I think mostly, when people feel there is 'no reason' for a break up, the other person usually does have reasons, even if those reasons are simply that the relationship is making them unhappy to the point they can't stay. What does she say about it?

I wouldn't use 'morning sickness', btw - I also read this and thought you were a pregnant woman, and I got the wrong idea, because being left during your pregnancy must be impossibly hard, and does seem to me morally a bit different from any other situation.

Unless your parent's were each other's first girlfriend/boyfriend then they'll have ended relationships that weren't right themselves before meeting each other. People break up all the time and being unhappy with someone is the only reason you need. Staying together if you're unhappy is a recipe for a miserable life.

Your ex had a right to finish the relationship. The only thing you can change is how you deal with it ending and concentrating on how to move on.

I'd personally be looking to knock the fluoxetine on the head. If you're not actually depressed, but rather having difficulty dealing with a difficult life event, it can actually make anxiety a lot worse and give you some of the symptoms you're describing - high heart rate, anxiety, insomnia. The beta blockers - propranolol? - will do more to settle the anxiety.

Morning sickness is a side effect of pregnancy. Nausea is a side effect of the tablets. It was very confusing you using that terminology!

Parents, not parent's. Dammit.

*Fucking hell, so in your opinion entering into a relationship with someone is a binding contract?

It's becoming clearer why she left you..*

How old are you? Have you ever had a real relationship? You sound like a teenage brat and the last person that should be giving advice about mental health problems.

I never said a relationship is a binding contract, with the exception of marriage, unless there is a very good reason to separate. I stated that no decent considerate person should end a relationship on a whim for no good reason.

There are always reasons to break up but the point is that my parents and many others like them had to work hard at their relationship, not walk away because it just doesn't suit them anymore. This is especially true for families with children when there are others to consider, not just yourself. There is a fundamental difference between not staying together if you're truly unhappy and walking away on a whim.

Morning sickness is sickness in the morning. I referred to my ex as HER in my post, not to mention I'm using the sudo name MisterNice. It doesn't take a great deal of deductive logic to figure that out. I'm sure you can then reach the conclusion that as a man, I cannot be suffering from pregnancy related morning sickness.

I wasn't asking for relationship advice since this is the mental health section. I thought there would be people here that deal with similar difficulties who could offer advice on better coping strategies. The majority of these responses are not only ignorant but offensive to anyone coping with mental health. If you can't say anything helpful or productive then don't bother posting.

Thanks for the medical advice but I will leave the diagnosis to my GP who actually knows my medical history. I've been back to see the doctor today and got a prescription for some diazepam to deal with the acute anxiety.

Morning sickness is pregnancy-related. I couldn't tell if you were a man or not because this is an anon forum - lots of people use names that suggest they're the other gender (or don't suggest at all). There are probably more lesbians than men on this site, so I initially read it as being that you'd been left by your wife during pregnancy.

It's not that no one sympathises with you having side-effects from medication, which sounds rotten, it's that it was confusing in the context what you meant exactly.

I didn't actually realize this was in MH not relationships as it came up in active, but I hope your GP is helpful. Lots of people I know swear by diazepam.

I've had several relationships and I'm 35. Married twice.

I've dumped people for all sorts of reason, some whimsical and some not. One guy was such a needy whining hypochondriac that I had to leave him for my own sanity.

I imagine your ex had her own very good reasons for ditching you. You need to respect that and not hound her to take you back.

Crikey, poor misternice...you have taken some slating. I hope those that have seriously knocked this guy down are happy.....when I first read your post I guessed you were a guy.....'morning sickness' does not always mean pregnancy.....it can also be related to anxiety and depression, even I know that and, fortunately for me, I've never suffered with it. Pretty shallow, I think, for people to presume this guy is a lady who is pregnant?! And lets not forget some medication can also cause nausea.

Anyway, I do hope you get the help and support from your GP misternice and from friends around you. Sending you a huge ((hug)) xx

It's not really shallow to initially think that the OP was female.This is a predominantly female forum, And it's hardly unusual for same-sex couples to have children/be pregnant. I read 'morning sickness' and presumed that. No SSRI has a stated side effect of morning sickness, just nausea IYSWIM?

Anyway, I do have extensive experience of MH. Fluoxetine can cause or worsen anxiety, particularly when you start or increase your dose. As you said that you only went onto it again after the breakup, it's possible that its exacerbating the anxiety, which is why I suggested stopping the it and looking at treating the anxiety symptoms instead.

Your ex had every right to end the relationship. As I said above, it's now about how you deal with that. Medication and sympathy are only a small part of your way forward.

Since relationship advice and medical advice isn't welcome, there's a couple of things I can direct you to.

CALM has a helpline for men who are struggling for whatever reason. Their details are here - www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/

Also, have you heard of Mindfulness? more info here www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/M/mindfulness/

This is the mh board, not the relationships board.

((((MisterNice))))

You are going to be ok.

You won't be the same person you were before you met your wife.
You won't be the same person you were while married to your wife.
You will be a new version of you.
Meanwhile you are still you right now, although hurting and struggling to deal with the shock of divorce.

'Shallow', nel?

To assume someone is female on a board predominantly used by women? To assume they're pregnant when they mention morning sickness?

It's not a rude assumption. There's nothing wrong with being female or pregnant.

It is horrible splitting up with someone, no matter what the situation, and it is horrible struggling like this, but there's no sense in people trying to help someone when they don't understand the situation.

Jeanne....I've been a MNr for years.....we've had guys on here before....never jump in and assume a poster is female just because MN is used by more women than men....I've not seen statistics to support that but I'm guessing you have.

Either way the poor guy is suffering a broken relationship. Its good to see some excellent advice and links. Just a shame there's also some slightly less so.

Yes, I have seen stats. MN do them fairly often.

And I didn't assume the poster was female because MN is mostly women, I assumed because the poster seemed to be pregnant! It's not necessary to call that 'shallow'.

I wasn't unsympathetic, I just wanted him to be able to understand why people had been confused. I'm going to leave it, though, because I don't think it's helpful.