Hello,
I am hoping to be lucky enough that some Mumsnetters with knowledge of this area are around. Sorry, this will be long.
I'm very concerned about a relative who has MH problems, feel for her and want to help her but am completely at a loss.
There's little I can do to help practically as I know nothing about this area. I've tried everything I can think of. I do support her emotionally as much as I can but recognise my limits and need to care for myself too. This situation is affecting her MH badly.
All the services and systems that are supposed to help her seem to have let her down. She feels they hate and are against her and is suicidal.
She is really distressed, drinking to excess then texting me and others saying she is suicidal, sees no future for herself with a criminal record and we would all be better off if she wasn't here. She is then very apologetic and says she is a burden, ignore her, she is actually fine. She is not fine (she has acted as if she is OK then attempted suicide before). However mental health services are not helping her. Of course I tell her she does have a future, try to keep her positive, but she needs help beyond what someone who is not a mental health professional can give, and services aren't giving it. She has been in psychiatric hospital several times, including having been sectioned.
I think this issue is stopping her from recovering and until it is dealt with, she won't move on.
Relative has been involved with the criminal justice system. She had no history of this until she became unwell (but feels no-one believes this). The offences are relatively minor. Not to make excuses, she is aware her actions weren't acceptable and in fact I think the shame and guilt and self-loathing is crippling her.
For context, the last offence was now a year ago.
Unfortunately things ended up so she has had numerous court appearances for 2 offences. She says she built herself up for each one and can't do it again, won't appear in court and will commit suicide before the next court date. Some of this is down to her not appearing for some dates. She was terrified, not deliberately being disrespectful. There have then been several times when court adjourned because they wanted further information such as psychiatric reports from her mental health team.
The original offence in 2012 was harassing an ex. He sounds possibly abusive and definitely callous - messing her around about how the relationship stood, eventually dumping her by text message after a 4 year (on/off) relationship when she was already shaky mentally. I understand he couldn't deal with her mental health issues but could shake him for dealing with this in such a nasty way. Initially police just gave her a warning as she was in a psychiatric hospital having attempted suicide (due to his behaviour). She continued to contact him (I know, she was an idiot to do that and I have told her this). I don't remember the details but long story short, she ended up arrested and held in a police cell for 2 nights (having not long been discharged yet again from hospital). There was a restraining order. She still continued to contact him. Ended up arrested (came to the attention of police as she was again self-harming and suicidal) and was remanded in custody until sentencing, for a few days, apparently she self-harmed in a disturbing way while in there (and attempted suicide a few days after release). She was given probation, seems to have found this difficult. Instead of understanding probation seem to have been difficult, given her hoops to jump through that she couldn't (eg attending morning appointments when she had explained that due to her sedating medication and depression she sleep s very late). Of course she failed, and was returned to court for the breach of probation. At some point she was also accused of malicious communications, somehow she seems to blame this person for her being arrested while suicidal and was generally in a lot of mental pain and lashed out. She knows this was wrong. As I said, this was now a year or so ago. Original court date was in August. It has been adjourned several times.
The issue seems to be that the court asked for a psychiatric report. This is what I would like to ask about, as I don't have any knowledge in this area. I think we have established that the court requested but did not order the report. Unfortunately my relative had already complained about her psychiatrist, and so was not happy for him to do this report as she felt he was against her and wouldn't be objective, and so report would go against her, not help her. She was uncomfortable discussing the deeply personal and sensitive issues around the offences with him. The CMHT basically said tough, no other psychiatrist will do it, so she reluctantly agreed, an appointment was made for said report, according to my relative the psychiatrist spent this talking about just about anything else and at the end said that he wouldn't do the report after all, as she had initially not agreed to it. From e-mails between her solicitor and the court, the court view her as being un-co-operative when she would willingly go to an appointment with a different psychiatrist.
Where do we go from here? Could the court 'order' a report from the new psychiatrist?
Apparently her solicitors could appoint an independent psychiatrist. does this cost money (she obviously can't work and is on benefits so gets legal aid). It's not the solicitors who want the report though, and while they are not unhelpful, their attitude seems to be to do the minimum because she is just a legal aid case.
The CMHT in general don't seem to be doing much for her. She has complained and basically got a typical NHS defensive response, blaming her.
She is terrified, convinced she will go to prison.
She attempted suicide before the last court date, so it has yet again been adjourned. CMHT don't seem at all concerned. I have spoken to them several times and been dismissed.
She is convinced that without a report the magistrates won't believe she really has mental health problems and will 'think she is a terrible person'. I am genuinely concerned she won't attend, and will harm herself again - and even succeed in taking her life.
I have tried CAB, Mind, no-one seems to know where we go from here. Please help.