Don't know how to help my depressed sis - please help

[phoenixrose314]

My family all have a long history of depression. My nan had it, my mum had it (and was sectioned when my sister was 13 months old), I had postnatal depression and depressive tendencies as a teenager, and my sister right now is in a total depressive spiral. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder. She is on long-term sick at work, her husband has just lost his job too, they have a MASSIVE amount of debt (to my parents, to me, on top of household bills - we are not expecting to ever get the money back) and I am relatively certain they are just burying their heads in the sand and sinking... just sinking.

Today I visited a blog site my sister and I used to frequent as teenagers - I don't even know why. And it turns out, she still has a blog, and her latest entry was on the front page list of most recent entries. My heart stopped before I even read it - being on this site itself is a bad sign. I read the entire thing and have been crying on and off for the last hour.

I don't know what to DO. She infers that she tried to kill herself at the end of January. Didn't even have a clue. I feel physically sick, and I'm in two minds to go over there and talk to her and tell her everything I've seen and how panicked I'm feeling, or to just carry on as normal and somehow help her subtly.... but to be fair I don't even know HOW to help. I looked up how to section someone - but don't know where to begin or whether doctors would even think her case is serious enough. She has been to the doctors and is on medication that pretty much just makes her lethargic and sleep for most of the day. She was having counselling but that faded into nothing (six weeks I think), none of us have any money to send her to a psychiatrist, I just don't know what to do!

Please help. Please, give me something I can do to help her. She's my only sibling, my little sister, it's my job to look after her and I feel I am failing miserably. If she commits suicide I know I will never recover.

www.melodramatic.com/users/tabula-x-rasa

This is the link to her blog.

Oh Phoenix so sorry for you and your sister. She must surely have been assessed by a psychiatrist for that kind of diagnosis and complexity of mental illness. GPs can only really diagnose depression and anxiety. SO she should be in secondary care (meaning support from the CMHT) and oversight by a psychiatrist. You don't need to pay for her to see a psychiatrist - this is available on the NHS.

Re the blog - I haven't read it but sometimes it just helps to write down how we are feeling (I suffer from intermittent depression which can be severe) and I don't blog but I keep a hand written diary and record in it every day - not much on good days but a lot on bad days and I scrawl in big letters and there are lots of entries about suicide and the thoughts I've had and even details of the methods I've considered. It's suicide ideation (in the sense that I think about it a lot when I'm really down, but sort of know I'd never do it) and it's very common in severe depression. It gives a tiny bit of relief to write it down, so maybe it's similar for your sister.

I think the depression in bipolar can be very severe - are you sure she doesn't have support from a CPN or appointments with a psychiatrist? If not, then I think her GP needs to refer her. The diagnosis of BPD is a bit of a "catch all" and it's often called "emotionally unstable PD" now but means the same thing, and sadly there is no real treatment. Sounds like your sister had 6 sessions of CBT which is all you get on the NHS and is pretty useless with such a diagnosis.

Not sure how far away you are from your sister as you talk about "going over there" - a long way/another country? I certainly don't think you're going to help your sister by telling her how panicked you are - she has enough to cope with without taking on board your fears about suicide and how that will leave you......sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think the best way to support her is the more subtle way.

Re money problems. Can you ensure that they are getting what they are entitled to in terms of benefits (not much I know) Is your sister still getting sick pay - if not she should be applying for ESA (Employment Support Allowance) via JobCentrePlus. She would have to be assessed and deemed "unfit for work" before she could claim this - but maybe you need to help her look into this. Are they in rented accdt - if so are they claiming Housing Benefit or Housing Allowance. Presumably your BIL is claiming JSA?

Sincerely hope they don't have children as that's an added worry for sure.

Finally you are most certainly not failing miserably - your sister's illness is not of your making - so how can you be failing her, though I appreciate you want to do more to help. So get in touch, talk to her and take it from there..........

Sorry just another thought - I don't understand Blogs but are you sure your sister wouldn't mind you giving the link on here?