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Mental health

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Original poster

I fell over and hurt myself and need someone to wipe up the snot and blood

17 replies

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:15

I fell into one of VVV's big holes today (shame on you leaving it lying around ).

It had been coming for a week or so, all the signs were there. I've been shouting and angry for days, had a horrible period, cold all the time, took a migraine, been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping, no joy, no pleasure, just anger and today tears, held it all in while I went to school and to the shops this morning then cried all the way home in the car telling myself to hold on until I got safely home behind a shut door. Now I can't stop crying and I hate myself so for making my kids life a misery and missing out on all their lovely selves.

I've never been on ADs and feel it would be such a personal let down. I can't imagine trying to talk about this to any of the doctors at my surgery. I can't just walk in and say "hello, all is fine, just a bit freaky this week, please write the name of a fabby tablet on this prescription and I'll not bother you again". And neither can I go in and cry and cry and cry like I might never stop.

I hate myself.

OP posts:

anorak · 30/10/2006 12:21

Hello, sorry you're feeling so bad. Are you sure it's depression - depression is a long-term thing with bouts lasting several months. It sounds like you have a case of PMS rather than depression. What do you think?

I don't think doctors normally hand out ADs for PMS. It can be helped by such things as evening primrose oil and controlled carbohydrates in your diet. Don't be so hard on yourself, if you have a hormone imbalance it's hardly your fault and doesn't make you a bad person!

And the doctors in your surgery have heard it all before and you don't have to weep and wail in front of them to prove you feel bad. xx

lulumama · 30/10/2006 12:23

i have sobbed over at least half a dozen gps.....they are always so kind and give you lots of tissues........

let yourself cry.....a good cathartic crying session could really help....there are ups & downs in depressive illness..some days ok....some just don;t bear thinking about.....

be kind to yourself......ADs can help , as can lots of other good stuff.....

let me wipe your face with this slightly used hanky ( babylulu has a cold!) and make you a nice cup of tea.......

((hug))

lulumama · 30/10/2006 12:24

i take it this is a name change?!??!

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:25

I get horrid PMS but this is depression. I've never been diagnosed because I won't go but I know it. Its lasted years really only I don't like admitting that. Thought it was PND after my first child but looking back it had haunted me on and off for a long time. Only now its so much more intense and I can't hide so much these days.

OP posts:

BudaBeast · 30/10/2006 12:26

Oh dear - Poor you.

Do you think it is depression or PMT? If PMT I found acupuncture was fantastic.

Haven't any tissues to had but here's a bit of (unused!!) loo roll!

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:27

Yeah I changed names, not sure why as I don't know anyone here in RL. I guess I have an issue with the whole thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:28

Thanks lulu, its one of those "don't bear thinking about" days

OP posts:

mascaraohara · 30/10/2006 12:32

Can I just say I felt exactly like your OP shortly before I was prescribed AD's.. it's was fabbo MN that persuaded me to go to my GP and it was the best thing I did re. how I was feeling..

happy to talk more about it.. I had alll those feeling of letting myself down and thinking I'm not the sort of person that gets depression etc... you sound a lot like I felt.

MN really helped me then, esp. the likes of HM and co.. loads of support on here...

lulumama · 30/10/2006 12:32

ok...well my pnd was so bad i had to go into hospital...... i took the steps to stare it in the face and get better!! but yes, there is still,sadly a stigma attached to depression...which considering 1 in 4 people will have some sort of mental health issue in their life...is a bit daft!

took me a long time to be this brave.....but it was worth it...it took me a long time to get better...but coming through it has taught me so much about myself.

after i first told people...virtually all my girlfriends took me to one side and admitted their own battles with depression..they didn;t want to be the first to admit it , IFYSWIM......

you are not alone in this.

please try and get some help....maybe counselling if not medication....

madmarchscare · 30/10/2006 12:34

'Admitting' it is all part of the process of getting back on track. I think you know its time to go to see your GP. Make an appointment and just tell him/her exactly how you feel.

BudaBeast · 30/10/2006 12:37

Sorry cross-posted!

My sis had PND that was not treated properly (LONG saga) but it has gotten worse as a result of not being treated. So please go to the doc.

It is not that you are weak. It is a chemical imbalance. If you had a headache you would take painkillers.

Lots of people on here are on ADs - hopefully some more will be along to reassure you.

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:40

Thanks lulu and mascara. I don't know how people get through days like this without someone to type to.....

I worked myself up to counselling about a year ago after maybe 3/4 years. It kind of helped, kind of didn't. I didn't tell my GP I was going but remembered the clinic from something we'd talked about a long time before when I nearly admitted my feelings. My counsellor was private and she seemed devoid of any feelings, just smiley and "all you have to do is think positively and you'll be fine". I practised some of the stuff she suggested but after about 8 sessions she said she'd leave it to me to decide when I should return and i never did. I can't be easy to counsel because I find myself agreeing with the suggestions and being nice and saying "ok, thanks for that, great, yeah, feeling much better". I'm embarrassed to go back to someone else because its like saying "you were shite".

OP posts:

JackieNoHeadJustABloodyStump · 30/10/2006 12:44

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low, but can I just echo what others have already said - taking ADs is not in any way a sign of 'weakness' - you are just putting right a chemical imbalance. My DH has been on ADs for about 4 years now, and it's really made the world of difference to him and to us too - he was very worried that they would 'deaden' him, but actually they've just helped him cope with the lows better. He really notices if he misses taking them (and so do we). But he definitely is still himself, iyswim - just a happier version of himself.

lulumama · 30/10/2006 12:51

sound like you had a not so good counselor

they have to stay fairly detached, but a good one will give you the tools ( not the answers) to finding a good place to be within yourself.

and would not let you go until you were both confident that you were on the way.

try CBT - its excellent at helping you learn to recognise & change your behaviour and your way of thinking...usually works quickly.

PLEASE try again...with someone new....it will be absolutely worth it

FWIW..wish i;d had MN when i was suffering...so helpful to know you are not alone and there is a way to get better...

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 12:56

It was CBT. I just found it lightweight but then, as I said, I didn't really connect with her, I didn't feel she understood. I'm my own worst enemy. If I was replying to this post I'd be saying "you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain, its short term, so what, a couple of pills, try it, can't be worse than where you are". So bloody hard when its you...

Thanks all, needed the chat.

OP posts:

lulumama · 30/10/2006 12:58

well... hope that you get where you need to be !
xx

Original poster

passmeagun · 30/10/2006 13:03

Thank you lulu. Its down to me and I know no-one can push me through the doctors door but me. Helps having a chat about it x. Right, cup of tea time and getting down to sorting out my face.....

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