Hiya, I'm 24 and I've got BDD, been diagnosed since I was a teen and had various hospitalisations stemming from it (depression/anorexia). Been with my boyfriend two years, and he's not very sensitive to these problems, and they really are no longer a part of my daily life outwardly, I still struggle invite them but I rarely to never bring them up and most people in my friendship circle are unaware of them.
I'd say I probably ask my boyfriend for help with these issues when I'm having a really tough time every three or so months, I don't ask for much just a bit of reassurance. The issues themslves are not a part of our daily life and not often mentioned. He knows I'm having a bit of an episode as I came home immediately after leaving for a girls night out the other night as I just felt too ugly to be out, I didn't ask him for any help just stated the case and got on with our evening. Today he was making jokes about adding a girls on tinder if I wasn't up for sex (genuinely that sounds awful but it was totally in good natured banter, just a funny wind up nothing else), but today it really struck with me and I started panicking. I asked him for some help and to reassure me, admittedly I asked in a arsey way because I thought he should be being more sensitive at the moment to the fact I'm feeling awful. Basically it ended in a cataclysmic argument, with him telling me I use my disorder as a weapon to get him to do exactly what I want (to provide help and thinking I deserved it even though I asked in an annoyed tone), and he then said that as I asked rudely I wouldn't be getting any help, and left and turned his phone off. He knows the effect that this illness could have on me if given the chance to take off again (eg restriction of food/self harm/suicide) and even when I begged him today just to let me talk to him before I start feeling worse because of these reasons he just told me no I won't get any help today as I don't deserve it. I have to then go and look after our family with him gone feeling so disgusting I don't even want to go to the shops.
I just feel like he doesn't understand and doesn't want to, I do everything I can to not let this get in the way of our family life, it is brought up so rarely but he just won't understand that in the instances I need the help I need it in a serious serious way. He sees my illness as an inconvenience and makes no effort to understand it, he has never googled it even in the two years we've been together. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and asking too much or if I'm just going out with a total uncaring bonehead