Struggling supporting DH

[Septbaby]

Don't really know what to do, haven't got anyone to talk to about this at the moment. Tonight has been hideous, DH had real trouble getting DS to settle to sleep tonight and gave up, stormed out and drove round for half an hour, he came home and said that he isn't borher about anything anymore, reeled of a list of things he doesn't care about anymore and has pretty much sat in silent tension all night. I'm struggling so much with not losing my rag with him, I know it sounds awful to say.

We've got a wonderful DS who is only 6 months and they're both missing out on the best of each other because of how DH is feeling. He is undiagnosed but it's obvious he is depressed, he won't go to the GP at the moment and is waiting on a list to see a bereavement counsellor. This was a long time coming that was finally tipped over the edge by a traumatic loss he had a few weeks ago, he has been saying for a little while that he is struggling with the baby and the responsibility.

I just miss my DH so much, we haven't laughed in days, anf after his blow up and then silence I have tried to talk with him, I asked him to call a helpline to talk to someone whilst he was in the middle of how he was feeling, but he refused, I tried to be affectionate and just put my arm round him and tell him I love him, this just seemed to make him quieter. I've managed to get him to go up to bed and rest, he would barely even hug me goodnight.

I know this is a horrifically selfish and self absorbed post but I am struggling so much, all I want is my husband back, and I'm finding it so hard that he's not seeking as much help as he could be. I feel awful writing this but I'm crying my eyes out at the kitchen table for him, for me, for our DS who I don't want to feel this tension and sadness.

I'm not expecting anything just needed to write this down somewhere.

First of all, it isn't a selfish and self-absorbed post at all. Not one bit. Depression is hard, not just for the person with it, but for everyone around them.

And much harder when you have very young children and need to be supporting each other,

You've tried the softly, softly approach - do you think he would listen if you were firmer and said that for your sake and ds's he needs to go to the gp and get some help. That you can't support everyone and need him to take responsibility for his health?

If he still refuses, can you ask your health visitor to call in and have a talk with him? Or your GP?

Depression is such an inward looking condition and it makes it hard for people to see what the effects are on those around them. It's awful for everyone though. I really hope you can talk to your health visitor or someone and they can help him to get the support he needs for all your sakes.

How long has your DH been ill? I have a friend with bipolar who stopped taking her meds for a while and became manic. Her DH, who is a good man and fantastic husband, eventually said to her that the next morning she must call a doctor or he was going to call a divorce lawyer. This shocked her into seeking medical help. I'm not saying that you should do this but you need to change something in your approach otherwise things might go from bad to worse. It's hard. ((HUGS))

God I feel your pain. Not sure I have any advice as I am deep in the same hell but just to say be kind to yourself too. Take it from me it's impossible to just be strong always.

Do try and make him get help. My DH reckoned he could "fix" himself and has basically imploded our marriage. Now he realises what he could lose but it may be too late. Wish I'd been firmer earlier x