I don't really know why I'm doing this, I guess just for something to do and to sound off because I genuinely don't think that there's anything can be done.
Im currently suffering quite a huge bout of depression (again) after quite a few stable months. I'm really stressed, we have hardly any money, I've got a dissertation and other things due in a few weeks, issues with family member, hardly any friends, none I can confide in. I've been shutting myself off for the last few weeks, taking my dc to school then watching TV, going on the internet and working. If dp goes out I sit in bed reading and sleeping. Been going to bed earlier and earlier every night. Just can't see a light, nothing to look forward to.
My dp works weekends (literally only shift available but he's trying to get more hours) so ive got dd on weekends and with the weather all crap they really drag. we are just really struggling. I used to go out, have friends but I've pushed them all away by staying in all the time. My mums very controlling and difficult. My dp is lovely, but really there's only so much you can put up with. I'm taking 5htp, as previous attempts on adps have made me loopy. The htp helps but I worry about seizures and how safe they are, in a way I wouldn't mind dying sometimes but my dd has got really bad fear of me dying and I wouldn't want to do that to her. I try hard not to feel like this, try to eat right, but I've had ed in the past and it comes out when I'm down. Feeling disgusting and fat when I eat, trying to restrict myself, feeling ugly and crap.
Just feeling a bit lost at the moment. Sorry I'm not even really asking for advice, just having a whine.