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HELP! need food but cant leave house :'( suicidal thoughts/drugs

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BubbleGuppie · 12/03/2015 08:48

Hi I have to go shop to get food we have nothing in and I mean nothing :( I cant get takeout as im allergic! my boyfriend has changed work shifts and has already left. I cant leave my house by myself, ive tried 3 Times already and im sitting here shaking and crying :( all day yesterday I ending up eating 2 carrots all day! EverytiMe I leave I shake, cry, go dizzy, I speak to myself cuz its as if my heads telling me I cant do it and if I do something bad will happen again But as soon as I open the door or get into my garden im in tears and I end up running to the toilet having a upset tummy instantly. I collapsed outside shop 2 weeks ago due to nerves next to a main road with my 4 year old, a few months ago I had a M/C outside a school , ive always had anxiety issues since I was raped 13 now 20. And its slowely got to the point I couldnt leave my house by myself (I could with my son, family member or even meeting someone) but now I cant even leave to go shop its litrally a 10 min walk there and back! The other day I went hairdressers with my boyfriend he got promoted and wanted to look smart and I ended up having a huge panic attack, I thought I was going to die, so I ran home crying by myself, I past a drug dealer and he stopped Me and gave mw something to calm me down and his number. I sat at home staring at it and I really wanted to take it even if it killed me I just wanted It to end, all the voices in my head telling me If I have it ill be fine but I ended up throwing them in the bin.. Bu. I cant delete his number.. I dont know what to do, I got paid today so shoppings being delivered tomorrow. My son has loads in but im allergic to it all :( what can I do? And how do I stop feeling like this!!??

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