Really don't know what to do. Can't take anymore.

[TaliVasNormandy]

Sorry in advance for the length of this, just don't want to drip feed.

I've had severe depression and anxiety since DC1 was born seven years ago. After DC2 was born four years ago I was sectioned for a few weeks and since then I've been gradually trying to claw myself back to health but since October I've been getting quite ill again, and at 25 weeks pregnant with an (unplanned) third DC I really feel like I am at the end of my rope and close to the end.

I was under a counselling service and a psychiatrist but when I got better I was discharged and I really can't face doing it all over again with a new Doctor/Counselor.

I just want to function like everyone else. I'm a terrible mother despite loving my children more than anything. I don't play with them enough/feed them healthily enough/get their homework done on time and I'm generally just a waste of space. DH works such long hours and he is forever picking up my slack. He has the patience of a saint and I'm amazed he hasn't left me yet.

I am four stone overweight and spend almost all of my time by myself. Because of my anxiety I'm incapable of keeping friendships (aside from one best friend). I am under constant pressure from a toxic family who despite being good people deep down, all have mental health and addiction issues.

The house is a huge source of stress for me as it gets to such a bad level. I feel so much better when it's clean but can't seem to keep it that way.

I feel guilty, overwhelmed, scared and upset from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. I feel like everyone would be better off if I was dead. They deserve a better mother and DH deserves a better wife.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this . I think I just wanted to get it out there as there really is no one I can talk to in RL and I'm hopelessly lonely. People can only handle your depression for so long before they start telling you to just get a grip or snap out of it. As if I feel like this by choice.

I'm only 28 but I honestly feel like I can't make it to 29 at this rate and I don't know what to do.

Medication may help but I really want to wait until the baby is born so it is totally safe.

I just wrote a post and it got lost

Please go to the GP - they have lots of experience with people who don't want to take drugs that could affect a baby, and with your history of PND they will take it seriously.

Yes, please go & see your GP. When I was pregnant with DC2 I was struggling very badly, and my GP referred me to the perinatal mental health team. They specialise in women who are pregnant or have a child under the age of 1. They were brilliant. There are meds you can take while you're pregnant if they think that will help - I took some.

You're not alone in feeling like this. I recognise pretty much everything you've said (although I only have 2 DC & I'm 29 already!)

I'm really loathe to go to the GP. I'm always scared I'll get some kind of SS referral as I've been sectioned before (though have a supportive DH and children were never in any danger at all) and we're also in the process of an international move (in limbo waiting for visa approval-really awful) and don't want to have to open the whole can of worms again.

I know that doesn't leave me with many options and I know I probably will have to go. It's just so unfair. I don't think I'll ever really get better for good. It's just too exhausting

Thank you for listening

All the stress of an international move on top of a pregnancy and two small children? I'm not surprised you're exhausted.

It is incredibly bloody unfair.

hugs I could quite easily have written that, aside from we only have 2DCs and I'm 24, that all sounds so familiar.

I'm under the mother and infant mental health team too - they've been really helpful. Go to your go and ask for a referral.

I've been sectioned in the past and that has never been a reason to refer me to SS. as it is I am involved with SS now and they have actually been helpful too, chasing CMHT referrals and coming out to visit me whilst they arrange for a homestart volunteer to come.

Do you have homestart in your area? I think you might have to access it through your children's centre. Some comes for a couple of hours every week to give you a hand. They won't do your cleaning, but they will look after the children whilst you can potter around and get things done. (Or go back to bed!) might be worth investigating.

GP and childrens centre will be able to help. Big hugs