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Daughter, again. Very long and boring, wouldn't bother to read it if I were you.

5 replies

bigoldbird · 04/03/2015 07:20

I am really struggling to cope with my daughter at the moment. She is diagnosed bipolar, I found the diagnosis as a relief as at least it explained her behaviour.

She met up with a guy last Easter and by September was pregnant. The relationship was always a bit rocky and getting pregnant with someone you have just met is never a good plan, but we are where we are.

Baby is due in May and her hormones are driving her completely loopy.

She has a nice flat which we are sorting out for her now but the lady upstairs had a leak from her washing machine. She put a note through the door explaining what it was and apologising, and organised someone to come and look at the damage (which is just cosmetic water damage). DD is being completely unreasonable (not with the lady, just generally).

Yesterday I was driven to telling her what I thought, ie that she is being a drama queen, and got my head bitten off in no uncertain terms. All I hear is how S**t her life is and not worth living because everything goes wrong, etc etc etc etc. The boyfriend is not really on the scene, he also suffers poor mental health and they have never really been a good combination. They regularly break up and a few days later are back together. At the moment it is all off again.

I am now in a state because the flat, although it is lovely, is in a remote village with not even a shop. DD can't drive. Baby due in a few weeks. Although I am 100% sure that the boyfriend will do his share of paying for baby etc, I just know that I am going to spend the rest of my life sorting out DDs 'disasters' and having to put up with the hysteria that goes with it all and I am now tired and fed up with it.

I would like to tell her to get out of my life and leave me alone, but how can I do that? I am her Mum and stuck with her.

No real point to this rant, just need to get it off my chest somewhere fairly anonymous. If you have read it to the end, thank you.

OP posts:
Iwasinamandbunit · 04/03/2015 08:33

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ThatsMyOnlyShirt · 04/03/2015 08:37

I have nothing helpful to say other than you are a great Mum for helping your DD and you are allowed to feel frustration at the situation. Flowers

windchimes23 · 04/03/2015 08:41

I'm bipolar and can totally relate to both sides of your story. Believe it or not the last thing that sent me completely over the edge was a leaking toilet. I threatened to divorce my husband, walk out and leave our two children.

Where normal people would get upset I go ballistic. And yes, I am a massive bloody drama queen. But it's in my head, when something goes wrong the whole world is against me. It is a nightmare, I can not control my emotions properly. I'm like a three year old having a tantrum.

Is she medicated at the moment? I would guess not if she is pregnant, or at least on very reduced dose of meds. That and all the hormones and an errant boyfriend just seems a recipe for the Bipolar getting worse.

Is she seeing a midwife with psychiatric knowledge? She may need help after the birth to get stabilised.

I have tried many combinations of meds over the years, go on them, go off them, refuse to admit there is a problem. Then all hell breaks loose.

But I have decided to get well for my children, I am currently sitting here with a cup of tea looking at my latest selection of prescribed drugs and willing myself to take them. Things won't be like this for ever, she needs help and hopefully the love for her baby will help her to take good care of herself.

I know it seems like a life sentence, and getting meds right can take a long while. You can help her get through this, but she needs to engage with a mental health team too, there is hope x

Oh and congratulations on the imminent birth of your new grandchild Flowers

SilverStars · 04/03/2015 12:37

Does your dd have regular support. Hopefully her HV will organise more support for her and perhaps a peri-natal mental health team. If possible try to get her and baby as much support as possible so they can monitor and provide practical help.

bigoldbird · 04/03/2015 18:47

Thank you so much for your messages. I am feeling much better now. She had a midwife appointment this morning and saw a different one. The new midwife was wonderful, talked properly to DD and listened properly to her answers. She has put her down as a 'vulnerable adult' not entirely sure what that means in this context. She explained to her that the boyfriend is being abusive as she is not allowed an opinion and constantly has to do what he says the keep the peace. DD now accepts this and has decided (for now) that if he tries to get back with her she will say no.

I can't tell you how much better I feel. I am so sad for DD that her relationship has failed but so relieved that once source of torment for her has gone.

I am also feeling massively guilty because I should have guessed that the reason she was being more and more unreasonable was due to the pressure being exerted by 'd'bf. I know that is ridiculous of me, but it is just such a relief.

No she is on no meds at the moment, which certainly doesn't help. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and put it all right for her, which obviously I can't. When she is more reasonable, I can be more reasonable.

Am now sitting here trying not to cry because I am so relieved to know that there are other people out there with similar problems who can empathise. Most people I know have no idea, which isn't their fault, but they do come out with the stupid responses of people with no experience of these things.

I can get back to looking forward to meeting the baby now.

Thank you.

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