being lazy vs being nice to yourself

[MumWithCamera]

Don't really know why I'm posting. Except feel so guilty every day about something. Today the dc are in childcare as usual for a Tuesday, and I gave just sat on the sofa watching TV or reading MN for 6 hours. I could be doing housework, or a number of other things in my list. But I'm just wasting it.

How do you know if you're being lazy and using depression as an excuse, or actually should just give yourself a break.

I see lots of signs that depression is getting worse but I seem to manage to carry on, just about. Even when depressed I used to look forward to evenings on my own stay kids asleep, to watch TV or other hobbies, but don't feel excited by that now.

Also I find having conversations with people in RL is just hard work and rarely makes me feel better. Close friends are talking about a grown ups day trip soon and i can't feel excited about it at all. I meet up with various friends but feel I have nothing to talk about. If they talk about good stuff in their life I just feel irritated and then feel bad about that.

After so many years depressed, on and off, I think maybe I'm like an obese person who refuses to stop eating, but in depression terms iyswim...

Actually that's another thing. I've been trying to get back to my normal size for years but just keep cheating on diets and then not having any energy to do exercise. I did lose a stone last year and was really smug with myself. but have put weight on again now and I don't feel like such a together person now as then so can't face starting exercise again...

Or again I ask myself, am I just being lazy taking myself I don't have the energy to start exercise.

Its like such a chicken and egg thing. If I stay exercising and losing weight, I'll feel better.. But I don't feel well enough to start.. And it's the same with so much stuff.

I would never consider suicide because of the kids. But I have thought about SH last week but I somehow know I would never do that either.

My previous therapist told me that it is possible to want to feel bad, to wallow in it, cos it's familiar so it feels safe. I guess that's it.

Don't know what the point of my thread is really. Just don't feel like I can say this to anyone in RL without them getting all upset themselves or getting alarmist abt stuff which doesnot help.

i find it very hard to motivate myself to even get out of bed at times! Maybe just do 30 min.s housework and then get out of the house. Going for a swim is quite calming.

I have times when I struggle to get out of bed and pretty much have a PJ day at home. I used to feel guilty about it but I've realised now that it's my way of recharging my batteries and I recognise it for that. Just the same as if you had a physical disability and had to rest after a period of exertion, there is no reason to think any worse of it because it's a way of looking after mental health rather than physical health. Sometimes you need to rest your mind as well as your body.

I'm not a big fan of the attitude that people who need that time to rest and retreat socially are 'wallowing' - it just seems to be blaming them for their condition. So I don't bother to listen to criticism like that.

I hate pure exercise for the sake of it, but I enjoy activities where getting fit is useful 'side effect' - like city walks, where the main reason is to see new things, but of course all that walking will help you lose weight! That is the only thing that has ever helped me get fit - I get very bored with things like gyms and exercise classes.

Mumwith, I have been wondering the same. I've been depressed on and off (more on) for quite a few years. I'm currently part time self employed working from home, I rarely have work to do in the morning and tend to lie on the sofa in my pjs watching TV or reading. I know I should be doing stuff, but have no motivation. I walk the dog once a day, do the bare minimum of housework - basically cleaning bathroom, filling/emptying dishwasher, laundry, vacuuming the carpet, occasionally dusting .. that's about it. I aim to cook from scratch as often as possible, which is most days.