I know it won't do any good, but I'm venting my anger.
Dear Mr Kirby (my MP)
I find myself in a difficult position, and feel so let down by the NHS and therefore the government who controls it. I am a 36 year old mother of two young children, and live in Ovingdean. I have suffered from acute depression and anxiety on and off for the last 22 years, since I was 14. After many years of taking what little help the NHS has been able to provide me, the treatment I now desperately need is now off limits, because it is only available privately.
I have been through many traumatic experiences. Sexually abuse by my teacher when I was 6 that went on for the entire year I was in his class, raped while on holiday with my mother in Turkey at the age of 16, abusive boyfriends, the birth of my second child last year was horrific, not helped by the poor care I received at Royal Sussex hospital. I have an eating disorder, and a history of self harm, compulsive obsessive tendencies, and self destructive behavioural problems. None of these I have been able to deal with because the help that was available, was minimal at best, and non existent at worst. Waiting lists for any kind of therapy are long. The therapy that I was offered involved an apparently qualified man sitting in front of a computer screen reading out what was written on it, and when I finally get to see a councillor we are only allocated 6 sessions, which is not nearly enough time to build a relationship with a therapist, let alone get to the deep routed issues.
I am unable to work due to my depression, but scared to apply for any kind of benefit help due to the increasing tough measures that label people fit for work, when they are clearly not. My history of work has been patchy, and this is because whenever I do work I am unable to deal with the stresses that come along with the said job, because of my high levels of anxiety, and depression. I would dearly love to have a job and career that I could take pride in, to help me find some sense of achievement. But in order for me to do this I need to deal with my past traumas and heal.
My psychiatrist is of the opinion that my best (and only option), is a 28 day inpatient program, in a facility in Hove, that is loving and healing environment. It is a difficult program and you are worked very hard with various groups, one to one sessions, assignments, and also relaxation techniques. It is not a walk in the park by any means. This is only available privately and is £14,000. I have been referred to several different NHS departments, but he says he is very doubtful that they will be able to come up with anything suitable or helpful. Believe me when I say I have been to many different therapists, councillors, psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and groups. I have even done a 12 week inpatient treatment in South Africa, which I paid for with my own money. This was the only thing that seemed to have any effect on me, but the aftercare is unavailable to me as it is so far away. It seems ridiculous that someone like me, who has tried every avenue over 22 years is unable to get the treatment she desperately needs, because its is financially out of reach. Wasn't this why the NHS was founded, so that people could get the treatment they needed?
I am desperate for this treatment, as I am struggling to be the mother I want and need to be for my children. They deserve a mother who can cook them meals, who can get down on the floor and play with them, who can kick a ball about with them, who isn't scared to read them a bedtime story, who panics when she is left alone with one of them, who can deal with their tantrums with out having a meltdown and having to leave the room.
How is it possible that the NHS could have such limited resources for someone like me, when sufferers of other diseases such as cancer, diabetes for instance are never given up on? Have I really come to the end of the road, like my GP told me? Should I just be made comfortable waiting for the end to come? I have so much to live for, and my children need me.
Please help me.