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Mental health

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Original poster

Returning to work

21 replies

windchimes23 · 24/02/2015 18:54

I have been on sick leave for six months. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and OCD. I went off sick after a suicide attempt. Not work related.

I work in a high pressure job in a multi national finance company.

I got a text from my boss today saying, see you on Wednesday, it'll be great to have you back.

WTAF? My sick note runs out on Thursday and I have agreed a return to work plan with OH but no one from HR or line management have contacted me to say that they've agreed this plan.

I was happy to go back to work, OH said around the end of March. Now I'm expected to go in on Wednesday. As you can imagine I'm having a little freak out.

Surely they need to discuss this with me and get my phased return in place rather than expect me to roll up suited and booted on Wednesday morning. I am barely able to get on the tube, I can't even got to a supermarket alone.

My psychiatrists secretary has refused to release my notes! I have no back up plan. Do I just go in and face the music?

OP posts:

SilverStars · 24/02/2015 19:01

You do not go back until your sick note has run out and OH have agreed a suitable phased return. The person sending the text may not have understood what this plan is - though the fact they want you back sounds nice.

Can you phone OH tomorrow and ask them to arrange a meeting ASAP to sort out a return plan and liaise with your manager?

hairypaws · 24/02/2015 19:01

Are you sure you are ready to return at the moment? If you are at all unsure get to your gp.

In any event contact OH, not your manager, and tell them about this mix up and leave for them to discuss with your manager. A proper written plan should be made, with your agreement, before you return.

Chapuys · 24/02/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverStars · 24/02/2015 19:02

Oh if OH says starts phased return in March then you need a note to cover you from Thu until your first day/her back at work.

Original poster

windchimes23 · 24/02/2015 20:16

Boss means well, I am sure of that. HR are useless, am considering ways to get out of return as leaving the house is a problem although I have been putting on a brave face.

Just want to crawl into the cellar and cry forever.

I hate this, I was manic in December, normalised in January but now the depression has hit hard again

I hate this!

OP posts:

Original poster

windchimes23 · 24/02/2015 20:43

The only person I can talk to about this (the real feelings) has been sectioned and has no contact.

Tomorrow I shall go to Chalcot Square and ask for answers. It is such a fucking cliche. I am a dickhead. I have two under three, they need me, but I can't cope. I am a waste of fucking breath. My father told me he came too soon and I shouldn't have been born. That was pretty cool. Sums it up really.

This is not a suicide thread and I don't need the Samaritans or 20mg of citralopram, I need a new brain, one that works. I will carry on, probably in my suit on the central line on Wednesday. Gonna do a Daily Mail sad face and get my arse in gear.

OP posts:

SilverStars · 24/02/2015 22:33

Do you have a full-time post? If so would asking for a permanent reduction of hours to 3 or 4 days a week help you, if it was possible to get. Or do you prefer full-time work?
I chose to reduce my management position and reduce hours - career went downhill but I went uphill and I still have a meaningful job.

If you have a phased return sorted with OH then do what OH says!!

Original poster

windchimes23 · 25/02/2015 03:12

I work 31 hours a week, I dropped 4 hours after maternity leave so I could do nursery drop off. My commute is 1.5 hours each way. My career is screwed anyway, my long promised promotion (middle management up to senior) was given to another team member the week after I returned from maternity leave. And they took my on call and car allowance away from me as I was now considered part time. I lost 30% of my salary by dropping my hours.

Being a mother and working in finance don't make career advancement easy

OP posts:

SilverStars · 25/02/2015 16:30

No I totally get that. 3 hours travel a day sounds exhausting ... I used to do 1hr and that was enough!!

Yes as part-time I get no benefits/perks or chance of promotion. I guess what helped e was years of infertility so I have chosen to spend time with me dc as a priority.

Hope OH helpful!!

Original poster

windchimes23 · 25/02/2015 19:41

High five SilverStars, glad you got your longed for baby. They are worth the sacrifice but it's hard work trying to juggle

OP posts:

Carbonel · 25/02/2015 19:53

Did you get anything sorted with OH? Can totally sympathise with the part time thing. I did it too ( big 4 and also changing to office based) when dcs were young and my career was over from then. I have no regrets as dc are worth it but it did make life difficult for me once they were at senior school and I wanted more challenge as it just wasn't there. The decision was ultimately made for me thro redundancy and now I am in a fantastic job with amazing people. So stick with what suits you and your dc - there will be light at the end of the tunnel. If you need more sick leave take it - going back too soon will not help you in the long term. Hope you get it sorted and feel better soon.

Original poster

windchimes23 · 26/02/2015 10:19

OH said speak to HR, HR said speak to Line Manager. It's a farce.

I sent an email this morning, to my line manager but with HR cc'd in and directed a lot of questions at HR. Where do I stamd salary wise on a phased return, do I get to carry over the 20 days annual leave I had left etc, etc.

Bang goes my career, I'll wait until summer and then go back to running my own consultancy business. That way I can just employ people as deputies if I have a wobbly. I'm just a little peed off that they can just brush this off and say come in on Wednesday like nothing even happpened. I may have a fight on my hands, which is exactly what I don't need when I have anxiety.

I know things will get better, they have too.

OP posts:

Carbonel · 26/02/2015 17:12

The key is to get the fit note to specify what you should be doing Eg 4 hours a day on Mon, Wed & Fri week 1 increasing to 5 days over next 2 weeks and hours increasing by 1 a week in weeks 4 - 7. That way they either have to accept it or not - if not you stay off on full sick leave. Your holiday should have continued to accrue whilst sick so if sick pay is reducing you can take some of the phased days as holiday. Talk to your doctor!
Good luck.

Carbonel · 26/02/2015 17:15

Oh and pay wise on phased return I got pay for hours worked and sick pay for the rest. It had reduced to 75% by this time. You could also look at any disability leave policy your firm has if you qualify and apply for that for specific treatment courses etc. Please don't fight to the detriment of your health.

SilverStars · 26/02/2015 17:49

You should not lose annual leave.
Phased return hours should be paid - some companies pay full day when on phased return, others just hours worked then rest sick pay.

Original poster

windchimes23 · 27/02/2015 10:08

They have offered full pay and my holiday hours that I didn't use can be used as any sick pay I need as I've gone over my allocation.

I've agreed to go back but I've no idea how I'm going to do it. I can't even leave the house unless it's a medical appointment. I was ok three weeks ago I even managed to go to the supermarket on my own, but now I'm back to square one. I am unmedicated, I hate meds, they make me feel worse.

I SI'd last night in front of my poor DH (drama queen extreme) and just want to go to bed and stay there for ever. DH said well ok bankrupt us, you are just mental. He said its my choice. I can't blame him.

So now I sit in my kitchen thinking about all the possibilities, I have every opportunity to get my shit together. And still, this bastard bipolar fucks me up. The very illness that made me achieve so much has now dragged me down to the bottom of despair.

I'm seeing my counsellor this afternoon but my psychatrist is away until April.

OP posts:

LastingLight · 27/02/2015 10:33

OP how many different meds have you tried? Unmedicated bipolar is problematic as it doesn't really go away on its own. I had to try many different combinations before finding something that did the trick for me. I think you need to see another psychiatrist as soon as possible, you can't wait until April. Your DH sounds very unhelpful. You are ill, it's not your fault and you need and deserve to be helped.

Original poster

windchimes23 · 27/02/2015 11:20

I have tried more than 15 different med combos. Started with SSRI's which made no difference, then the SSNRIs which sent me full blown manic. Then mood stabilisers such as Lamatical and Lithium to no effect except massive weight gain (I'm also Anorexic so that was a big no no) which increased my anxiety.

I've also had every sleeping pill on script and huge doses of valium.

Nothing works . I need to sort this out myself. I am just a walking disaster, I can't do meds. They make me worse. I can use them to break a depressive episode but they make me very anxious, hyper vigilant, give me nightmares, excessive sweating and weight gain which is worse than being just depressed as it makes me suicidal and manic.

Just to add before I get a MNHQ warning and a Samaritans link I am not suicidal right now.

OP posts:

LastingLight · 27/02/2015 17:28

I'm so sorry you've had such bad experiences with meds. I have a friend like you, who is meds resistant, she manages to take very little and only up the ad's when things get rough. Have you seen more than one psychiatrist? Maybe a different doctor will come up with another plan? And no, you're not a walking disaster. You are someone with unusual body chemistry who is trying to make the best of a very difficult situation. What did your counsellor say this afternoon?

Original poster

windchimes23 · 27/02/2015 20:23

My counsellor was good, he said work were being ridiculous as I'm still on an intensive treatment plan after hospitalisation.

He arranged a GP appointment for me on Monday and is writing to my HR department on my behalf. He exceeded my expectations TBH. He's a good guy.

He also said I decide when I go back, not them, and gave me a draft letter to make a formal complaint. As I'm bipolar I'm covered by disability and they are walking a fine line.

Feel better and less likely to SI due to his support. I shall sleep better tonight. Thanks to all who have offered support, I was pretty close to the edge.

OP posts:

SilverStars · 27/02/2015 23:08

Hi sounds good about full pay and holiday entitlement and phased return. A phased return can be very gentle - such as go into office once in first week just to meet rather than work. Then a few hours a day, for a few days. Ad then mix that up with holiday hours.

I guess if you need more time off then you need to take it. Can you get government statutory pay once you used up work sick pay allowance ( even if it is not a lot?) work will have a limit on how much sick pay and time off is allowed before their policies come into place - so worth knowing their policies. Eg where I am if I have not managed a phased return by x amount of time ( 1 yr) they look at my fitness to work etc.

I know medication can really help bipolar - really hope you can find a combination that works for you.

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