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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling very low and don't know if I can cope.

21 replies

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 14:17

I got a letter today form my xp1`s solicitor and he is saying that I need to let him see the DSs (2 of 4 and 6 years old)or he will take me to court and get them to live with him. DSs have not seen him for weeks now and he has not bothered to phone or see them. I have already had SS saying that he has phone them to say that I have stopped him from seeing DSs. I have not stopped him at all, he stopped see them about 6 weeks ago, maybe more and said he was working and could not see them, on the Monday after that weekend he phoned SS to tell them I had stopped him from having his DSs. They have had more of the same calls from him. He has blamed my xp2 aswell. 2 weeks ago he even said that xp2 beat him up. I found out last week that xp2 is in a hospital/home and has been there for about 5 months. Xp2 left as he got blamed for treating DS1 badly and I had to ask him to leave and I was not aloud to see him either. I have not seen him since last January and he has not been living with us since last November. He has not seen his DD either. Yet I have had SS and the police coming to my house looking for him as they have been told that he is living here. I am sure this was xp1 and if it was not him , then he was behind it all.
I have had SS around me for the last nearly 2 years. They think XP1 is so great and the best. They don't see him as I have and I have known him for over 7 years. he has been an asshole for over 6 of them and maybe more.
I don't know if I can cope much with all this any more, No one seems to think that I have a life like I say it is and that xp1 is bad news. Even when xp1 is not around he is still trying to control my/our liefs and making our liefs hell. he does not need to see me or my Dc, he just gets my friends to not like me by making trouble for them, he goes to the SS and tells them lies, he has solicitors and lies to them and gets them to make more trouble for me and now it seems he like to use the police too.
I have ME, and this wet cold weather is not helping with that, my family life that I wanted has ended with xp2 having to leaving and now not knowing if he is ok or not, and now all this with xp1 not seeing his DSs and blame everything he can using xp2/my friend/me. I don't know if I can carry on any more. It does not help with being tired with DS1 waking up early and not going back to sleep. (early, I mean 5am ish where is normally 6:30/7am) I just don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 14:28

hi - don;t know much about this..

if your ex is saying your xp2 beat him up...but you can prove he didnt' it will help to discredit him in front of the court & social services

if he has not seen the children because if his own actions..can you not write or get your lawyer to write to SS to point that out?

how much contact you had with SS over this..do they think he is lying?

dn;t know how this sort of thing works, but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 14:56

Thanks lulumama. Xp1 has been lying to the SS for ages, they just seem to take his side and the way they tell me things about him, its like they think I am the telling the lies. Its like I ma in a different world to them as they seem to be backward with their thinking.

I don't know what will happen with xp2 with not being around and in a hospital for over 5 months. I will let the police deal with all that and I will be telling the SS about it. My sister just phoned and I have told her and she said just to go with what SS say and he will get found out in the end. The more I say about xp1 to the SS, the more they tell me that xp1 cant do that sort of thing, yet they kept telling me that xp2 could. I cant see how 1 person can do bad things and another cant. The SS to me have it the wong way round. xp1 is the bad 1 and xp2 was trying to do his best yet kept getting told he was bad but there was nothing they could do to help us. Xp2 is no longer around, yet I still have the problems with xp1. Xp2 still gets the blame. Yet SS say that xp1 cant be causing trouble if hes not around, but xp2 can. I am so mixed up with all of it. Its like as long as xp2 is alive then I will always have trouble from xp1. I just want SS to see what xp1 is doing and for it all to stop. God knows what this is going to do to the DC

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 15:04

there's nothing else i can really say...except that you need to try and keep going for the sake of thi kids...easier said than done

take as mich support from friends and family as you can..

keep bumping.. i'm sure someone here can help ....

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:18

thanks lulumama, I am sure its the DC that keep me going now, I thing I would have giveup a long time ago if it was not for them. XP1 just seems to use them to get at me.

I just feel so low about it all.

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 15:18

do you have any help

I mean ADs, counselling...support..?

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:28

Not really. My step mum lives about 20 miles away. My best friend is not speaking to be because xp1 tried to get her DP into trouble.
I don't have ADs as such, I have something like ADs but thats to help with the pain from ME and I have had help with the ME side of life. But I have not had any other help at all.

Its half term now so DSs here for 2 weeks now, so I have DC all the time now. XP1 would not have chose a better time to have a go at me and put me under stress. I have to keep going as DC here. I know what hes doing right now, he will be in some pub somewhere drinking and spending his own mothers money.

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 15:30

haunted

any mnetters near you...where are you?

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:34

I am not sure.
Thats another thing that I find very hard to do is meeting new friends. I am scared that xp1 will only drive them away.

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 15:36

oh dear...what a predicament..

from what i can gather - mnetters seem to rally round at a time of crisis......

i think it would be a terrible shame if the xp and his behaviour stopped you fromever having any kind of normal life

can you discuss some sort of restraining order or harrasment order agains your xp to keep him away from you and your friends..

Flamebat · 23/10/2006 15:42

I wish I was nearby. I have nothing helpful to say, just want you to know that I amthinking of you.

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:42

I dont know lulumama, I have phoned my solicitor but she is not around until Thursday. hes been doing this for so long now I just dont know what I can do. SS always seem to be on his side so I have to fight them, but if I do that they say I dont care for my DC and only myself. Its like I have no control over my life and have to live the way SS want to tell me to live it. Its like I have to do as I am told or they just put me down even more. I really feel like I am letting the Dc down.

OP posts:

lulumama · 23/10/2006 15:45

just hang on in there....your kids have a atrong mum...who is obviously got their best interests at heart....can;t give you anymore practical advice...keep bumping...and hopefully you will get some more help....

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:46

Flamebat I don't think there much anyone can really help me. Even if I could get the heavies onto xp1, he would come up smelling of roses

OP posts:

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 15:52

I am watching Jeremy Kyle at the mo, and there is a dad on there now who wont see his DC. He trying to say he lives to far away. Grrrrrrrrr why do some dads think that they can say, they cant see their DC because of..... what ever cr@p they want to tell.

OP posts:

jasnDISMemBERED · 23/10/2006 16:07

hazelnut...jsut wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

GooseyLoosey · 23/10/2006 16:13

Feel for you too. Can you set up formal access arrangement with xp1 so that he has a clear opportunity to see his children. Ask social services if they are so concerned if they can assist in implementing this so they can see that you do not impede xp1's access. Then hopefully they will be able to see him for what he is.

Hope you are OK.

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 23/10/2006 17:43

Thanks JARM, GooseyLoosey and everyone.

I don't know how, what is going to happen, I hope to speak to my solicitor Thursday and I will be asking her whats that best thing to do.

GooseyLoosey as for him seeing DSS, there is already something like you said about having, there is no order as such but he could have DSs Saturdays and phone them Thursdays The SS already know this. I even had 1 S/W who has listened to a phone message from him saying he could not see the DSs, said that she did not think it was him on the phone. She said I was the one who was making it hard for xp1 to see the DSs and that I got someone to phone and leave the message. I don't know who are worse to tbh, XP1 or SS
I will just have to see it all through as I cant seem to do anything about it. I can see why some people go mad. I feel I am sometimes

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 24/10/2006 03:00

Flippin'eck social services sound awful. Hope your solicitor has some good ideas for you.

divastrop · 24/10/2006 17:48

i have no experience with ss,but i can empathise with you over a*hole men.my xp spent the last 6 years insisting he see his children,but failing to make any proper arrangements.he used to claim all he cared about was the kids,and solicitors always believed him,and solicitors i saw always said i should let him see the kids as he obviously cared about them.finally,after all those years of using the kids to get to me and as an excuse to still control my life,he showed his true colours by attacking my dp in front of the children(it was unprovoked).now his own children hate him and never want to see him again.

i can understand your frustration.i always had people telling me how wonderful my xp was but i could see right through him.

ru seeing a councellor or anything for yourself?it all sound like alot to be going through on your own.

Original poster

theHAUNTEDhazelnut · 25/10/2006 17:10

divastrop No I am on my own with this. But I have been happier today as we had a good day out yesterday and I think we needed that.

GooseyLoosey I dont think social services are a waste of space at times. To me they always have everything back to front. I now have a new S/ worker. 2/3 weeks ago if not more. I have only seen her 2 times.

I just have to keep blodding on and hope they see him for what he really is. Just dont know how much more I can take from it all.

OP posts:

cath28 · 25/10/2006 22:56

haunted just wanted to say that i feel for you and hope everything works out, not much useful i can say except i certainly know what it's like to be feeling depressed and trapped and TIRED, my dd is almost 4 and new baby due in march, new baby's dad has run off and i'm dealing with all the pain of that plus exhausted from the pregnancy and from my dd and work blah blah.. anyway i can kind of sympathise but not with the xp1 scenario, he sounds like a complete nutcase and very manipulative, i don't have that much experience with his type but i do know from the experiences of friends that they're very hard to deal with! try and meet up with other mums locally, it will help, it's really helping me right now.. hope you are ok

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