DH has recently developed what I think is anxiety and depression. Looking back he's always been prone to this but recent events have pushed him over the edge.
The problem is meds made him a billion times worse, he won't go to work. His ways of managing it are gym and driving and smoking and going for coffee. He drives to see a friend for 2 nights at a time or forces himself to spend some family time then "runs away" from feeling ancy and drives around all night.
2 problems here 1 it leaves me all alone all the time with a job, 3 DCs under 5 (1 a bf baby whose up every 2 hrs), all housework and managing the home finances.
2 he spent over £1600 in the last month on fuel, fags etc. I spent about 500 on me and the kids.went nowhere did nothing to save pennies but as he's not working I now can't pay my nursery fees tomorrow. Or make a loan payment next week. We've borrowed from all family members. We are truly abs totally fucked and I'm sinking into PND. I can't cope.
Anyway i figure the only way is to split finances. I'll pay for everything, cover the kids and all bills (even his) but he has to not touch my bank account. He can keep what he earns (or statutory if that's his choice) but he can't touch my account and I'll take my name off his. It only gives me £400 above bills for food and fuel so it's not like I'm ripping him off but i know I'll manage it.
The thing is part of his anxiety is losing me and being trapped. Having no money for fuel will make him feel trapped and telling him that after 16 years joint banking I'm going it alone may look like losing a bit of me??
But I can't see any other way forward where my stress doesn't turn into hate and his anxiety will actually create the situation! I want to support him and I can if i know my home is safe and my kids are fed.
Does that ramble make sense?