So.....I filed a complaint over a year ago against a manager in my workplace. it took months for HR to investigate. This person has serious previous it turns out, but my complaint was about how he had treated me over a period of time and how it had escalated to the point that I had to block him entirely, which he did not react well too. It was not the fact that he had served time prior to his employment. Throughout the investigation, I still had to work with him. It was confidential so I could tell no one. They found him guilty; yet still did not suspend him. It has now moved to a disciplinary, yet still they have not suspended him. I have had to attend numerous meetings, it has been incredibly stressful. I have had to give evidence in front of panels of people, all the time being assured they are doing their best. I was signed off with stress and anxiety just after filing the complaint as I was genuinely frightened of what was to happen next, we are in an open plan office. Then I had to return to work; at this point I was on citalopram and small doses of diazepam for times where I felt excessively panicky. Over time this subsided, but I still had to cope with seeing this person daily and an ongoing investigation. At one point I collapsed on the way to my car after leaving the office; came round being loaded on to a spinal board with a head injury where I'd hit the road. There was no underlying condition, I was tested for everything. My gp concluded it was ongoing stress.
Over the months that have followed, I've sometimes coped fairly well, it feels like I've been pushed into a corner and expected to "carry on". The whole thing feels minimised. I've had huge support from the union, I know I'm articulate and intelligent, and I've continued pushing and pushing for what I feel is right and I will not stop. I've also seen an employment solicitor as I feel there have been many mistakes along the way.
So it brings me to my current state : last week I kind of very suddenly unravelled. It's been over a year since I complained. I find now I simply cannot face the idea, the very concept of being in work whilst he is there. I cannot do it anymore, I just can't. I shake at the thought, and I have spent the past week feeling in utter despair. Getting through an hour feels painful. I am finding it hard to physically move, and have to force myself to get dressed, to go out for a walk. I have to force each stage of my day. I share my dc's 50/50 with ex-dh. when they are here I find it easier, I absolutely have to be present and on the ball. When they aren't here, I'm a mess.I got an after surgery appt with a gp at my practice last week who I've never seen before, she was clearly pushed for time, so I had to explain everything as quickly and concisely as possible, she signed me off for 2 weeks, and I see my own gp on tues morning. My working relationship with my work partner will now be in tatters; she doesn't know what is going on and will feel abandoned - again.
My major worry is what can I say to my gp on tues, I cannot bare the thought of going back until he is removed, and it is looking hopeful, things are moving, but as I say, I've done this for a year and I've hit a wall. My Union rep says it is entirely reasonable that I feel this way given the seriousness of the charges. My solicitor was aghast he was still there. But I can't cope with it anymore. As I live alone, I feel I have no one to speak for me, and I know I will get distressed at the gp appt, which I find humiliating and anxiety ridden about. I feel on the verge of some sort of crisis but I don't know what.
Has anyone any suggestions? Thanks for getting this far......