struggling

[Jellymum1]

i recently started counselling (for like the tenth time i have had tons). this counseller is good, she can read me, she can get quite deep and know when im holding back she is the best ive ever seen in that sense ive been able to fob them off before now but she knows... its too hard. the stuff the deep traumatic painful hideous stuff we have started to scratch at today has left me feeling horrendous. i just cant believe how fucking horrendously in pain i am tonight.

Oh Jellymum so sorry you are feeling so horrendous. I'm guessing that you have been talking about childhood trauma, possibly sexual abuse, or some other kind of abuse or neglect that happened in your childhood.

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Sorry if I'm on the wrong track.

Hope you can get some sleep tonight. Are you on any meds?

I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting.

From my own personal experience and my experience of training as a counsellor, I can say, as horrendous as this feels right now, it will hopefully be the worst u will feel.
Sometimes we have to revisit our feelings from the past in order to deal with things that we haven't dealt with before so we can come to peace with it.

Something horrible happened to me when I was about 20 n then something happened a few years later which brought back the EXACT same feelings, It was horrendous.
But looking back now, I can say I'm ok about it all now because revisiting those feelings helped me deal with it.

I know this doesn't really help much, but sometimes that horrible pain helps in the long run.

I wish you all the luck with you're counselling and if you need anyone to talk to please feel free to PM me x

thanks guys trying to be ok today feel numb and then sad. im on sertraline. i definately do need to deal with this stuff as it leaks into my life and destroys me. since i became a parent myself it became even more important to deal with this before it kills me but its very very difficult to re visit :( thanks for your messages though just to be heard helps