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Original poster

Help feeling c**p, can't cope, feeling of immense fear.

28 replies

longwaytogo · 19/10/2006 09:47

Promised myself long ago that I would never allow myself to be in this place again and yet here we are!

I know I only got self to blame and should have made appointment weeks ago.

Have felt depressed before but never had these feelings of fear in my stomach. I feel sick, and like I not going to be able to do things I need to do. Got to nursery today and was sat in car because of rain and my stomach was churning - don't know why, but have to push myself to do anything.

I am so weak. Feel so useless.

Have forgotten to take harvest stuff to school, have forgotten to take parents eve slip to school.

Then get home to find that ds has to go for surgery on 10th Nov. Thought there would at least be appointment with consultant first. Not a clue whats happening we are in North Wales hospital is Alder Hey in Liverpool. I can't do this.

OP posts:
tummermum · 19/10/2006 10:21

Hiya longwaytogo. It sounds like you've got lots of really heavy stuff going on in your life. Don't be so hard on yourself & try to cope with one thing at a time. You're not useless or weak. Sometimes it seems like everyone else copes better than you but maybe they're just better at hiding their anguish.

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 19/10/2006 10:23

Morning Longwaytogo.

Take a deep breath. You can do this you are much stronger than you think. The first step is to get down to the GP and tell them how bad it is. Don't procastinate if you need ad's tell them.

You are not weak or useless you are a good kind loving parent. Don't panic about harvest not everyone takes stuff in. When is parents evening? If you have missed it I am sure you could make a seperate appointment with the teacher/s.

Call the hospital and ask them about ds's surgery and explain any worries you have.

MOST OF ALL KEEP POSTING SWEATHEART

Original poster
longwaytogo · 19/10/2006 10:32

now i get letter to say I should be having 3rd hepb jab today what good is a letter that arrives after the time I would have gone to work anyway.

OP posts:
bundle · 19/10/2006 10:38

hi longwaytogo, this all sounds like a lot to deal with and I don't think you can do it alone, can you get to see your dr today? I've visited Alder Hey and the staff were excellent, can you find out if there's a family liaison person you could chat with over the phone about the whole business of the op? I really believe that finding out the facts helps to overcome the fears you are feeling.

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 19/10/2006 10:42

Re todays letter phone them and reschedule no one should expect you to go with less than 24 hrs notice.

Flamebat · 19/10/2006 10:43

Mummyhill said most of what I was going to say. The feelings of fear sound like the anxiety attacks I get. Rescue remedy helps me when I have them, but I know that it doesn't help everyone.

Jabs - its their own fault if they didn't bother to let you know before. They can be rebooked, a week or so won't matter.

First thing to do is phone the hospital and get them to tell you exactly what will be happening - either on the phone or an appointment. I'm guessing that is your biggest worry right now, so that is the one that needs tackling first. Once you are clearer on that, you can work your way down the list.

Hugs

fizzbuzz · 19/10/2006 20:21

Hi, i really sympathise, anxiety and fear are awful, indescribable.
If you can't face going to doctors, get hold of a copy of "The Feeling Good Handbook" (awful American title) It is basically about CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)which should be widely available on NHS according to the government. but of course isn't. (I think the waiting list is 18months or something helpful like that) It is about challenging negative or anxiety provoking thought patterns. It is like a workbook, and whilst I hate all American pop psychology and self help books, this is completely different. The idea is you deal with "Hot" or"automatic" thoughts and try and change them.
It does work, I know this is probably a lot to take in, but if you really can't face doctors (although I think you should go) this might help insted.
It is as helpful as anti-depressants, and can prevnt future attacks of depression and anxiety.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 19/10/2006 22:07

going to gp in the morning

OP posts:
mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 20/10/2006 08:23

Good luck at the GP today.

I will go and say a prayer for you when I go todllers at the church this morning.

anorak · 20/10/2006 08:37

longwaytogo, you can't decide never to be depressed again. It's like deciding never to catch a cold again, it's not something you can control.

Once you realise it's an illness, not a weakness, you'll not only feel keen to receive treatment, but you'll expect it as your right. Please go to the doctor - you family needs you to continue functioning. xx

Original poster
longwaytogo · 20/10/2006 14:23

have been to gp back on ad's or will be when i go and get them,also seeing a counsellor next Fri who specialises in post natal depression and women with young families. So we'll see how it goes I guess.

OP posts:
happyatlast · 20/10/2006 15:04

Got no words of wisdom but wanted to say good luck, I hope it gets better for you.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 20/10/2006 15:49

oh thanks happyatlast, would love for my name to mean something positive.

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madmarchscare · 20/10/2006 15:58

I have just seen this today and just wanted to say that you are not alone with those stomach churning anxious moments.

You are already on your way to turning things around by going back to see your GP. Well done, you should be pleased with yourself.

You have a lot to deal with at the moment and sometimes it can feel like everything is falling on top of you. Take it all one step at a time.

Dont feel like you are to blame for 'feeling like this again'. The most important thing is that you recognised it and decided to do something about it. That sounds like a positive action to me .

Original poster
longwaytogo · 21/10/2006 22:15

ok up till now I have been ok at work apart from one wobbly shift about 8 weeks ago but today has been a real humdinger. The fear that I felt driving there in the car was horrendous, I had a faced like a smacked backside all afternoon, I kept telling myself to pull myself together, whenever I went into three patients I was reminded that I have everything where as they are living their last days on earth.

When people asked for painkillers I didn't feel sympathetic or keep reminding those who needed to give the drugs that it still hadn't been done.

I didn't want to be there but didn't want to be at home either. What am I going to do? Feel so useless, absolute failure.

OP posts:
foundintranslation · 21/10/2006 22:21

You are not a failure. Really you're not. Nor are you weak.

Hang in there. You are on the way to help. Someone mentioned CBT further down the thread - it is fantastic, might be worth seeing if counsellor can arrange for you to have any.

When you are in the grip of anxiety, it might be useful, if you can focus on the image, to remember that anxiety will never go on rising and rising indefinitely, it always peaks at some point and then start to ebb. I have found it useful to imagine it as a curve, like one on a graph. If you can focus on this and on keeping yourself well oxygenated (steady, deepish breathing) it can help you to feel at least a small measure of control.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 21/10/2006 22:26

hmm thats what I do try and concentrate on my breathing and hope I cn cope.

I just feel so angry with myself that I have allowed myself to get to this stage again. I should have gone to gp weeks ago. Have just tried reading some other threads but just can't do it. I just can't be bothered - it seems too much. just want to curl up in bed and sleep but I know I will get there and not be able to.

OP posts:
Original poster
longwaytogo · 22/10/2006 13:03

my chest hurts all the time as if there is a big lump in it.

OP posts:
Mellowma · 22/10/2006 13:21

Message withdrawn

madmarchscare · 23/10/2006 12:46

As you know, its going to take a while for your ADs to kick in but as you have been there before, you know they will iyswim, try to focus on this time. You managed before, and you can do it again.

I too had pains in my chest and palpitations (to top it I also suffer with health anxiety). I found that the only way to tackle this one was to throw myself into doing something else, difficult at work or in the middle of the night though. At night I used to look at this site until I would fall asleep.

Keep talking, keep going, it will get better.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 23/10/2006 21:40

Not been too bad today - feelings wise but still keep getting butterfly feelings/lump in throat/chest. Am constantly wriningin my hands or tapping my fingers.

I had about 2 hours sleep last night, have just worked 13 hour shift and don't feel particularly tired, worried that i'm existing on adrenalin and that tomorrow I will be absolutly exhasted and unable to cope again.

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madmarchscare · 24/10/2006 11:28

What ADs are you taking? Are they ones you know have worked before?

I tried betablockers to try and control the adrenaline but they had too many side effects for me, although they did stop a lot of the palpitations. They may be worth a thought.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 24/10/2006 12:36

i'm on prozac which i have taken before but i've never had this stomach/fear problem before, will see how it goes i think, gp away next week for half term and I got conselling app on Fri.

OP posts:
madmarchscare · 24/10/2006 15:35

CBT? It should really help with the anxiety.

Original poster
longwaytogo · 24/10/2006 16:59

will mention the cbt to counsellor on Fri, but looks like I could have child care problems now though.

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