I have been reading the threads on this topic with a horrible feeling of de ja vu. Ds and DD now 9 and 10 yrs -only 11 months between them.Horrible crippling pregnancies that threatened permanent wheelchair boundness with second pregnancy and DH who was (but not now)much much worse than useless. I was aware I was depressed but working for a draconian public sector employer that I was fully aware would never promote me with depression on my medical records.I had no family and as I was a relativley young mum in my social circle no friends who understood my situation.House was always a mess and felt very inadequate overwhelmed isolated and resentful of the children who I believed had ruined my life.DS cried incessantly for his first two years.I have seen loads of great advice on these threads,dont know if anyone has said this before as I am relativley new mn'ter but please believe it will get better.My marriage survived- unbelievably,children are the light of my life and I hope children not too badly scarred by the experience!I would not advocate hiding it like I did - although hide isnt the exact word I would use-everyone around me knew I was unhappy but I just avoided anyone like HV and doctors as much as was feasible and when I did see them I put on an act, which I managed because I was at the milder end of the scale I guess -when my circumstances got easier I began to feel better. Please anyone feeling like this lean on your friends I would be devastated if one my friends needed me and didnt call-if I could stop anyone I cared about feeling like I did I would jump at the chance.I used to dream about someone being able to give me just half an hours peace.I have very few memories of my children being babies-its like I have wiped them from my memory and that is very sad.One of my few memories is trying to get ready to go out, must have been in a rush to get soemwhere, and I was brushing my teeth.DS started wailing,again,and my anxiety was so bad my hands where shaking and I couldnt clean my teeth -the brush just kept banging into my gums.Please dont suffer alone and remember it wont always be this way-it absolutely does get better.