Feel bored with baby - is this PND?

[littletoadstool]

Hi - I'm new to this site but its already made me feel better knowing that I'm not alone.
My little boy is 8 weeks old, he was planned and I was really looking forward to having him - I thought it would just make my life complete and perfect. I was very lucky and had a really easy pregnancy and birth, but since then I'm just all over the place - I wish someone had warned me how hard it would be.
I just feel really low. I'm eating well, getting exercise, trying to keep busy, etc - but a lot of the time I just want to cry. I don't regret having him but I don't feel anything for him (I feel awful saying that). I feel as though I wouldn't mind if someone took him away - in fact I'd be glad because I'd get some more sleep! He has just started to smile sometimes and that does help, but I still don't feel any kind of bond. I feel terrible saying this but I think I'm bored with him.
I don't feel this bad all the time, but I've had depression before and don't want to go through it again. I know my HV will tell me to go to my doctor and they'll just give me ADs which I'd rather avoid if possible.
My partner is really supportive, I have family close by, and my baby is healthy so I don't understand why I feel so down. My partner says he looks at our son and feels a rush of love and happiness but when I look at him I just don't feel much at all. Then I feel guilty because I'm not playing with him enough - if he's not crying I just leave him on his playmat and get on with things around the house - at this rate he'll be bored with me too!
Has anyone else felt like this?

I think that what you're feeling is absolutely normal but it wouldn't have mattered if anyone warned you how hard it was going to be. Nothing can prepare you for the change that your life takes with a new baby. I felt the same when I had my son and I was told by many that it would be hard and I knew it would be but I had no idea. You shouldn't feel guilty about not playing with him he's only 8 weeks old. You have plenty of time for that. So long as you speak to him he'll be fine. You really need to concentrate on getting as much rest as you can. You're body has gone through so many changes in the last few months you just need to get back to normal again. It sounds as though you're on the right track by eating well and getting exercise. That is very good and you should continue along those lines. I cried so much after my son was born because I was so tired and my hormones were all over the place. I spoke to my HV at the time and she said that it was normal to feel this way. If in a few months the depression is still lingering you should see your GP. Don't be afraid of ADs they helped me get my life back on track and brought me back from the brink. Also if your baby is calm and happy and not crying then leave him on his play mat. As long as he's safe then it will help you to get on and do some normal things. It doesn't make you a bad mother. Believe me your son won't be bored of you he will love you to bits. The older they get the more fascinating they become. Hang in there and if you feel like a chat then post another message. Take Care :0

Aww littletoadstool - hang in there! 8 weeks is such early days, and your hormones and lack of sleep will be making you feel down. Also (whispers) babies don't do much do they, and can be quite boring, especially before they can smile at you!

I felt like this with DD, admittedly after a traumatic birth, and I don't necessarily think it was PND in my case. It certainly lifted gradually in the first few months, and I bonded with DD. Have you tried skin to skin contact? I'd always been really sceptical about that sort of thing, but it was definitely the turning point for us.

I don't want to trivialise PND in any way, and of course, if it does turn out that it is, you must get the help you need, but maybe it's a bit early to say yet whether it that, or just feeling a bit down from the huge shock of having a newborn?

Thank you so much - its so reassuring to know Im not the only one. Im not totally against taking ADs - Ive taken them before and they helped but they also made me feel kind of numb and thats a bit like how I feel anyway so I dont want anything to make me more so!
Its difficult to know whether its just tiredness and hormones and it will pass or whether to try to get it sorted now before it gets any worse.
Ive been reading on here about some horrible births that people have had and Ive realised how lucky Ive been having no complications - but that makes me feel guilty for complaining when on the surface everything looks perfect. I go from one minute looking forward to watching him grow and develop over the next few months to suddenly not caring and just want to go away somewhere and not come back. Friends have talked about how everyone thinks their own baby is the most beautiful in the world, and I worry because I dont think that about mine.
Will definitely try skin to skin - I tried that in the first couple of weeks and he hated it becaue he didnt like having his clothes taken off (hated baths too!) but now he is much calmer so will give it another try.

Message withdrawn

lts - I felt like this and I believe it is classic of PND, I didn't take AD's (though they help a lot of people) but eventually I did come out the otherside and now ds is a tantruming, running toddler and I love this stage.

I truly hated the small baby stage but a plus side is that now many of my friends who had easy babies and who bonded early are finding the toddler stuff a real trial. I find it a breeze compared to the boredom and stress of the baby stage.

Don't write off the possibility of AD's but it may be that you just need some time. I remmeber the first time I stopped wanting to leave and it was when ds was 5 months old. It still took until he was a year old for me to really bond - interestingly it was at a year old that he started sleeping much better so I really don't think the two are unrelated.

Try and get as much sleep and help as you can and do consider some regular exercise. I used to get up early to go to the gym 3-4 times a week (left ds in the creche) despite being exhausted and despite loathing the gym just because it made my mood improve (long walks with the pram were no good for me they just made me more stressed)

As soon as the PND stopped I stopped the gym I hasten to add . At the time I saw it as a medicine - like taking AD's - something I had to do despite hating it as a temporary measure to get me through. Now I am back to my usual slothful self

If none of this works then do take the AD's - if it hadn't worked for me I would have definitly taken the pills.

In the meantime DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT. You are doing a even better job than mums who do bond straight away because you are looking after him and staying with him without the help of the 'lovey dovey' feelings which in my book makes it so much harder.

Hi littletoadstool, you really aren't alone and all these posts are evidence of that. I know in the beginning I was emotional and felt little for my daughter - like you say you can't say it to most people but if you speak to other mums it is a lot more common than you think.

Talking to others on here or in person really does help. So does getting out and making the effort even if you are knackered.

My daughter is now seven months and I love her to bits. She is great fun and has a lovely personality but at the beginning she was hard work. Hang in there though and it will get better.

i felt just the same. i think it took me at least 3 months before i even felt like my baby was mine. i remember when she was just born thinking oh my god get her off me and feeling soooo terrible. i didn't have that rush of love and exhilaration at all. dh just seemed such a natural, he cried when she was born, kept cooing over her, couldn't wait to hold her, and i just felt like oh my god what is this?! for weeks i felt like dd was dh's baby and i was just helping out. then slowly it all fell into place. have you looked at netmums.com? if you want to meet mums in your area, or just swap emails, you can post a message on there.

Hi LTS, I read your post and it brought back all the feelings I had with my DS2. I had the perfect homebirth with him, he was healthy, a good weight and a lovely little baby but no matter what I did I just couldn't get that "rush of love"
My partner was really supportive too, he changed nappies, took DS2 when I needed, and really seemed to bond with him. I think that made me feel worse, his daddy could love him but I couldn't. I really lost all interest in everything, including my other DS. I felt I couldn't admit any of this to anyone as they would think I was a bad mother who didn't love her children. I knew I loved them, I just couldn't express the love and feel it IYSWIM.

It came to a head one day when my ds1 was messing about badly in the baby clinic, he wouldn't listen to a word I was saying and I burst in to tears. Thankfully a really nice HV (yes this one was nice!) took me aside and made me leave my name and number to speak to a councillor.

The councillor rang (a woman) from the Drs surgery and I went to see her. (much to my reluctance) She was lovely, non judgemental and I could tell her everything that was bugging me.
I didn't go down the AD's route, I didn't want to personally, but the councilling really helped. I still have bad days, but I can see a way through them now, rather than shutting down and not wanting to do anything with the DS's.

Please please find out about this and go. You seem to tick all the boxes for PND, even if your DS is only 8 weeks old. Please don't fib on those questionairres either, you're only doing yourself an injustice.

I hope you find yourself the help you need. x

Thank you again - I can't believe how quickly so many people replied - I wish I'd found this site earlier!
I also sometimes feel as though he isn't mine - people say he looks like his dad which makes it worse! This afternoon he was smiling and laughing quite a lot as we tried on some of his new clothes which made me feel warm towards him so I know I can do it - I probably just need time like you say. But I'll definitely keep an eye on myself and see the doctor if its gets any worse. Problem is the counsellor at our surgery always has a really long waiting list - I wanted to see her when I was feeling a bit like this during my pregnancy and I'd had the baby before I could actually get an appointment!

Hi Littletoadstool I think the fact that your noticing these little worries means that you are lovely Mum and soon to come out of post baby total shock to system! I think we all feel odd those first few weeks, months even

If it helps...My kids are all taller then me! and I find them totally boring most of time and constantly question the fact that they're mine

Oh LTS, you remind me of me! Both DS's always got compared to how much they looked like their dad, and being the sensitive type I am, and with all the hormones I really took it to heart that nobody said DS looked like me! I mean FGS, I'd just endured 9 months of pregnancy, nourished and grown this baby, given birth to it (which blooming hurt!) only to be told he looked like his DAD! Pah! What about me??! I can look back now and realise this was slightly irrational, but at the time it really mattered! Especially when the MIL produced a photo taken of DH at 9 weeks old and said "oh don't they look the same" I remember the tears stinging my eyes and the feeling of wanting to say "oh shut up woman!" (I'm usually quite rational!)

Also, what I said about the councillor being at the DRs Surgery. I don't think she was actually there, she just used it as a place to see her. (the surgery was actually closed on those afternoons) Please ask your HV, don't do what I did and think "well I was okay today so I don't need to see anyone" You need every day to be a good day.

I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight, please come back and post a message if you start feeling low through the day. I really wish I had used MN more earlier this year.

My partner just said how every time he looks at our son his heart actually physically aches with how much he cares for him. I said each time I look at him I just pray that he won't cry! I really wish I could have feelings as strong as my partner does - I do care about him but it feels as though he's a strange little creature who I've been given the task of looking after until his real owner comes back! But hopefully the feelings of love should come in time.
But feeling much better than yesterday - I've arranged to visit people tomorrow and over the weekend so looking forward to getting out of the house in the day - I know this isn't the answer beacuse I still need to deal with the problem when I'm in the house on my own all day but it should help. I also want to do more exercise - used to run a lot before pregnant but our running club meets at 7-9pm and there's no way I can stay up that late at the minute (he sleeps from 7-11pm so I try and get some sleep then beause I never know how many times he'll wake up after that!) - but might try to get my partner to look after him so I can go for a run one morning.
Went to the doctor this morning about something else and bottled out of asking her about PND - I always feel slightly rushed, and didn't feel as though she'd be sympathetic - feel that about HV too - its as though she's always trying to get away to see next appointment. Going again next week so if things don't feel any better will definitely ask then.

How are you doing now littletoadstool? Thinking of you, and hoping it's getting better.

it was six months before i can honestly say i had bonded with him, i used lie in bed and think if he dies in his sleep it wont hurt him and then everyting will be ok ,thats what sleep deprivation does to you , take any human and make them survive on minimal sleep amd most are gibbering wrecks within a week ,baby or not. Babies are boring in that you put your life and soul into them for little reward , then suddenly they become little people and smile and laugh when they see you and WHAM theyve got you hooked for life .

I had 2 mc's before DS1 was born so you can imagine how much I was looking forward to having him and being a mum,but a had quite a difficult birth and I felt nothing for him when he was born.He wasn't a contented baby (having reflux didn't help)and I just felt drained by him.I never told anyone how I felt and it was hard.I finally started to bond with him at around 5 months when I became a sahm.It will get better it's early days yet good luck.

Do you know it took me 18 months to even like my boy?! Yes I loved him (I suppose) but I felt like he was this total stranger, and alien being, landed in my lap to deal with! I found this extremely hard to admit even to close friends and I wasn't aware of mumsnet, so got little support that way. My hubby also was full of that rush of love and I was envious of that. Anyway DO NOT WORRY it is not unusual, you are not abnormal. Just let the days pass and care as much as you can and time will make it better I am sure. Now my boy is nearly four, and the experience is frustrating and illuninating in equal measure and he is an absolute gem, full of sparkley life and I now both love him to bits AND like him!

Blimey, have just read your first post and I could have written that myself at the time! I too have a history of depression and was never sure if it was PND or just totally normal sleep deprived hormonal feelings! Its difficult when you had a good pregnancy and birth because theres no obvious explanation - plus you feel guilty towards those who've struggled in that respect yet are coping better than you! Honey, its not a logical thing though and you feel how you feel, which is crap but dont try to work out why you feel that way, work out how you can make your situation improve. I still regularly check flights to far off destinations and dream of escape - Ive learnt to see it as something fun to do rather than an example of what a rubbish mum I am!!

I've not had chance to use computer for a while so only just noticed all the new messages - thanks again for all the support. Things are getting better - DS is 11 weeks now my feelings for him are definitely growing - the other day he just kept grinning and I just couldn't stop laughing with him!

I spoke to the doctor and HV about how I was feeling and they both said they didn't think it was PND but more a case of me being bored at home on my own (not necessarily bored with DS but just too much time to think and worry!) and maybe I'm just not the kind of person who feels rushes of love, which I suppose may be true - I tend to be more practical and a bit cynical!

I went to a baby yoga class the other day and that actually made a big difference - I wasn't expecting much from it but really enjoyed it - it was more like baby massage than yoga, and I've been practising at home since - DS seems to really like it, and its helping me to feel more of a bond with him.

I still get ups and downs but I think I'm always going to be the kind of person who naturally worries and gets down when I'm on my own for too long, and its not neccessarily anything to do with DS, its just that I need to make more of an effort to think positively and make sure I get out of the house and see people.

Sorry this is turning into a long post! But it has helped me to write things down and work out that I think I'm ok, but just need to keep an eye on myself!