Regular netter struggling. need your opinions and advice.

[itstough]

Sorry but I've changed my name, not sure why really but I just feel more comfortable doing so.

I'm going to try and keep it as short as possible.
I had my baby 8 weeks ago. From being about 30 weeks pg, I started to suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which was triggered by me passing out a few weeks previous. After this I had a funny turn, panicked and called my MIL to come and stay until dh returned home.
Since then I have hated being on my own for fear of it happening again.

We moved in the summer to a new area and two months later the baby arrived.
My family are an hour away at the worst and dh's are over an hour away. I don't have any friends here yet and I don't know anyone else in the area.

I honestly thought that when I had the baby I would be free of the anxiety and the fear of passing out would go as I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. Needless to say it is still haunting me.
When dh started back at work after his paternity, I had a few bad moments and asked my mum to come and stop over to get me through the odd night here and there when dh wasn't here. When I have someone with me I feel fine, its being on my own that sends me off.
After a few visits from my mum, dh started to become slightly annoyed with the amount of time she was here. I explained why she was coming, we had a big talk and he said that he wanted me to face my fear and stay in on my own when he was at work. He felt that it wasn't helping me and not the kids either.
One particular night I fell to pieces and ended up calling my mum who brought my grandparent to stay for the night. When dh returned the next day he was furious that I'd just crumbled at the first hurdle and not tried. Again we had the whole problem out and he said under no terms was my family or anyone else to come and stay with me until I started to feel better and faced things on my own.
To a degree I can see his point and I will have to do it.
I have done it on 2 occasions since, not felt great doing it but have done it.
This week dh is away Monday to Friday and is quite away away. I managed last night but tonight I have crumbled in a big way. As we speak my mum is returning to my house after only leaving 3 and a half hours ago.
I begged my dh earlier in the evening on the phone to be ok with my mum staying but he was very angry and upset and said that if she stopped he wouldn't come home at all.

I've now come to a very bad point with the anxiety, to the extent that I'm becoming slightly nervous about going out unless I'm with someone and I can't think, talk or watch anything to do with hospitals as it makes me feel on edge.
I've spoke to my HV and seen my GP who have both been amazing and I have been refered for CBT which I start on the 2nd of next month. I have also done the Edinburgh test which came out at 11 but I know its not depression.

I dont know what to do now or where to go from here. Dh has made his stance. We did speak later on this eveing and he told me he loved me very much but is adament that things need to be done his way for me to get better.
I have tried to tell him that I don't think he understands how I feel totally, which he doesn't believe and that I just can't jump in at the deep end and do it all at once.
How do I go on about explaining this to him and what do I do for the next few days?
I really do not know how I'm going to go on. I also have to go away on Friday for a few days which I am dreading too.

If you've managed to read all this then thank you very much. I may not be back to the thread in the next few hours but will certainly come back later.

Hi everyone.
Just to update you.
Last thursady the lady who does the CBT called and asked if I wanted to go in that day as she had a cancellation.
I became really anxious just thinking about it but I went.
She was very lovely. It was over an hour long but she took all my history and then went through it all at the end. I ended up feeling all woozy at one point and asked if I could go out. She made me stay there and do a breathing exercise through it. It was quite hard to do and I'm still struggling to do it properly.
She's given me lots of things to read which I'm sure will be helpful.
She also told me that when I went through a similar thing with my dd that she thought it was PND too not just anxiety and that my HV at the time should have insisted I took the AD's I was given.
I did ask about medication this time and she has said that it is an option but doesn't want to go down that route yet.
Dh has been off sick now for over a week so I haven't been too bad but I'm feeling anxious at certain points of the day so I will mention it again when I go back on the 23rd.
I'm now trying to watch my diet as she mentioned that certain foods can trigger the anxiety. So I've swapped the tea to decaf and drinking more green tea. Stopped eating chocolate and other sugary foods.
In fact I think I'd like to look into this a bit more so if anyone has any good advice on food I appreciate it. I think I will start another thread though.

Once again thank you all for your advice and help. I really do value it.

Glad the CBT went well. I have been really struggling the past few months and toying with the idea of going to get help. Reading how it has helped you is encouraging me to get some help so thank you for setting up this thread - as well as hopefully getting some comfort, you are also an inspiration to others xx

estobi, I would recommend it.
As I mentioned I went through a similar problem with my dd and never got any help. It went on for months and months, peaking and then getting better but it never totally went.
Now, hopefully I will get the tools to deal with the problem and beat it for good.

Good luck to you please let us know how you get on x

Hi,
just reading your posts SF has reminded me of my own mum - she had PND (untreated) which has led to a long term agoraphobia and panic attacks when outside. She was always told to 'snap out of it' etc.

Not that I want to freak you out, but I guess I just want to say that you should never underestimate the effects of PND.

I just want to agree with the others - this is a real illness. I really hope you get the treatment and support you need.

Praying for a good recovery for you.

Itstough having read through your first post I so feel for you.
I can sort of understand your dh's frustration but he clearly doesn't understand that it's not as simple as he would like it to be.
CBT will be really good for you as it is all about retraining your reactions and views of yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Whether it's depression or not you need some tlc and I hope you get it, best of luck

glad the CBT was positive and you are taking healthy& positive steps to get better...good luck...!

YF, thinking of you, you will get out of it and you've already taken the first steps.
You asked about diet. When I had PND I was told to make sure I ate little and often to keep blood sugar level. Was advised to avoid sugary stuff/processed food/fizzy drinks/fruit juice/caffeine/alcohol. Try to eat unrefined foods... Oatcakes and hoummous, i remember she said this was ideal, ticked lots of boxes.
Give your DH some of those leaflets from the cbt counsellor. It'll make it easier for him to get his head around.

I find eating nuts brilliant - seem to lift my mood within minutes.(Brazils and almonds work best for me- unsalted) I think it's something to do with the fact they're rich in protein and magnesium (or is it zinc?) You also need foods rich in tryptophan - turkey, chicken, eggs, pulses and many more. I've found a brilliant book - Optimum Nutrition for the Mind by Patrick Holford - which is great about diet and supplements for anxiety, depression and lots of other conditions.

Your husband doesn't know enough about what you're going through to lay down any rules about this which doesn't mean he doesn't care, just that he's ignorant. You need some help. Ask your GP is he can refer you to a psycholoogist. It is the sort of thing my sister deals with all the time using CBT etc as mentioned below. Could you afford a live in au pair?

YF, only just seen this thread and right at the beginjing I wondered if it was you? I'm only 40 mins away in the car, but sadly (and frustratingly) I can't drive. But you can CAT me if you like? Or do you do MSM? I would be very happy for you to come and visit me if you fancy a destination quite near? Whatever, if you just need somebody to talk to, feel free. So sorry for what you're going through...xx

good point there from sphil re tryptophan rich foods....i had a book called potatos not prozac which espoused similar thinking......was interesting reading....might have mentioned it already....apologies if so....!