I was arrested and sectioned.

[Walkingmistake]

I have bipolar 1 and I went manic. I ran away with a unmedicated schizophrenic, who has at age 29 spent ten years in prison 5 of which were for a serious gbh charge. He was banned from professional boxing for taking his gloves off and battering a opponent. He encouraged me to take amphetamine. He encouraged me to play a dangerous game of chasing the high. Meaning that when I started on a come down instead of riding the come down and then going to sleep he had me take another dose of amphetamine. I did this for many weeks.

Then one night he was arrested for breaking a mans jaw. I took another dose of amphetamine and hit amphetamine psychosis. When he was arrested and that amphetamine psychosis hit (bearing in mind I was already psychotic) I got in my car drove home as my phone had got lost in the fight I woke my family up at 3 and told them that if they didn't give me money and a phone I would attack them, I had been taught how to fight by the man I ran off with he taught me how to use a clipper lighter in a way that made it a knuckle duster and did serious harm to someone.

My family gave me a phone and I left. I then drove over to his cousins house to find out where this man was being held.

My intention was to lie to the police and get him out of prison. I then started on a come down that was really bad as I had chased the high and I sent a message saying goodbye to my sister (the only person who was still talking to me).

At this point she told my husband what had happened and that I was driving round like a loony tossing between getting him out of prison and killing myself. At about 7 my mother spotted me in the car and called the police. I attempted to out run the police and they eventually had three riot vans box me in.

There were about 8 police officers and I attempted to fight my way out. They arrested me under the mental health act and I was taken to hospital. Physically I had done severe damage to my body by pumping it so full of amphetamine which badly dehydrated you but since that man was arrested I had not drank.

Police decided not to press charges after the psychiatrists report and I was instead sectioned.

Last night they let me out at this point I was racked with guilt and shame I knew I had lost everything I had nothing left. I wasn't ready to face anyone so upon release I intended to check into a hostel.

To my surprise however upon release my mum and sister were waiting for me. They hugged me and took me back to my mums house.

I have never before this broken the law. I now see clearly what I have done and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to face people again.

I am surprised as when I got my phone back it was full of texts from abandoned family and friends asking me to please call or text them. I have put a message up on fb saying im sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused, sorry I am ignoring phone calls just not ready to speak to anyone yet. However I am happy to answer texts.

I am touched and glad and really feel I don't deserve their support. I am also getting endless nasty messages about how much of a slag I am which I know I deserve.

I can't believe everything I did and I really don't know how to face anyone.

I have text my husband only because they told me in prison and hospital that he called frequently to ask after me.

I sent him a text saying sorry you and the kids are the ones I hurt most and I can't face that yet. I won't say sorry as I know how insignificant that would be.

He text me back suggesting I visit the children while he is in work as that may make it easier,

I have to go to a drug addict group and stay clean, police have told me if they catch me doing amphetamine again they will charge me.

I also spent the time with this man having unprotected sex so now I have to wait and see the outcome of that.
How on earth do I learn to live with what I have done? I can never put this right I am very touched and surprised by the people who still support me.

Yet I am disgusted that at the moment my body craves the amphetamine I am not going to take any though. I was taking 3grams a day which is a lot.

I now hate the man I took up with but I have kept all our photos to remind me of what I did and what taking amphetamine can do. Any time I feel a urge to take amphetamine I look at those pictures and it reminds me of how disgusting I was.

Wow, what a story. Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a long way to go but that you have some strong rl support. Keep posting here and be kind to yourself.

Jeeze what a horrific time you have all had.

I think one thing you need to keep in mind is that while you did some terrible things you did them while very ill.

I guess you now need to focus on getting well, talk to a professional therapist, make sure you're stable in your meds and try to keep your diet and exercise balanced. I know that sounds odd but I had bipolar II so now where near as server but the only way I've managed med free is controlling diet and exercise.

I'm not suggesting for a second that this is the best way to control your illness but it may well help.

Make sure you keep in close contact with your professional team and your family who can notice the signs.

Have you spoken to your family about them sectioning you if you become manic again? I gave my DH and close consent family to contact my psychiatrist without my consent at the time if I started being hypermanic.

They haven't really started talking about what I did yet. The doctor asked me what month it was and I didn't have a clue. I don't even remember the time scale. I am still not well and my moods are still all over the place.

I can't believe things got so bad and I want to run away knowing that is inside of me so I can't hurt anyone.

I am also very grateful to police for not pressing charges they also found a load of amphetamine on me but they just confiscated it. I am extremely lucky to walk away from this with just a caution.

My DH is a police officer. They come across many people in mental health crisis in his line of work.

They generally don't believe in criminalising someone who is obviously ill and not behaving according to how they normally would.

If you are still unwell I suggest baby steps. The big stuff from the manic phase can be dealt with at a later stage, work in getting well and balanced.

Please remember that you this whilst unwell. Look at self management techniques and be strict on yourself. I also have bipolar II and used to take such a large amount of drugs etc, I taught myself that I couldn't be around the same people and had to change everything. I have not taken medication since 2010. Please be kind to yourself xx

Thank you I am really struggling right now. But I have stayed clean. At the moment im just trying to focus my body on learning how to eat and sleep again.

Small steps :) and well done on staying clean! that's more than a lot of people could do. just focus, focus, focus.. it is hard, my bipolar condition always makes me think to myself "let's go and buy some cocaine and party like crazy" but you just learn to ignore those thoughts and feelings. You are obviously already making great progress and I'm sure that with enough time and perseverance, all will be well. It isn't easy and I would never try and imply that it is BUT it also isn't impossible. You are welcome to contact me if you ever need some support. Keep up the good work xxx

Small steps :) and well done on staying clean! that's more than a lot of people could do. just focus, focus, focus.. it is hard, my bipolar condition always makes me think to myself "let's go and buy some cocaine and party like crazy" but you just learn to ignore those thoughts and feelings. You are obviously already making great progress and I'm sure that with enough time and perseverance, all will be well. It isn't easy and I would never try and imply that it is BUT it also isn't impossible. You are welcome to contact me if you ever need some support. Keep up the good work xxx