Councilling?

[Arkkorox]

Not sure if this is the right place for this...

About 7 years ago I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, very controlling, put me down all the time, accused me of cheating ( while the whole time he was) and was physically violent too. Totally and utterly destroyed me as a person and kicked off huge confidence and anxiety problems. Am now with my wonderful DP who has helped me as much as he can over the last 5 years and we now have DD who is 5 weeks.

But it's becoming more and more apparent that I'm not getting past some issues on my own. If I have to ask DP to do anything for me I freeze, If I'm upset I can't tell him why and I struggle to deal with situations that are stressful and tend to bury my head ( which then usually makes it worse making the whole thing snowball.)

I think it's because I'm scared of what DPs reaction would be because of how my ex reacted to those sorts of things. ( eg if I couldn't stay at his cause I needed to stay with the dogs that would typically end up in 3/4 hours of him threatening to break up and me convincing him I wasn't cheating etc)

Has anyone been in a similar situation and did councilling help? I'm going to ask when I go to my 6 week check, I need my confidence back for my daughters sake!

Counselling can be very helpful, hiu sound very self aware and I imagine that you would get a lot out of if. There is no harm in making an enquiry, go for it! :)

Is this something that has only become apparent since the birth of your baby. I just wondered about the possibility of PND. It's possible that you have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) because of the way you were abused. Counselling can be helpful, but you would probably have to pay but worth asking about this when you have your 6 week check. Sometimes there is counselling available on the NHS but there is often a waiting list.

Having a very young baby is a trying time and you may well be more anxious given the extra responsibility and the lack of sleep.

Oops sorry girls I forgot to reply!

I don't think this is baby lack of sleep related ( cause DD is a fab sleeper) but the responsibility has made me realise I need to fix things. PTSD could well be what's happening having read about it. I don't think its PND. I'm absolutely loving being mum! I just need to deal with it and put it behind me so I can move on. I've cut all the people associated with him out of my life now , that part of my life is very much in the past.

Yes, counselling could really help you. Ask your gp but be prepared to wait a few months.

(If you can afford it, you could start with a private counsellor much sooner)

Sometimes there are charities which provide counselling, asking for donations. It may be a way to be seen more quickly or for longer than you could be on the NHS.

A counsellor would probably explore the reasons why you cannot ask for help, what would happen if you did.

Having a baby does change your relationship with your partner, at least, I found it to, seemed to set me back 50 years. It is one of the most stressful things and when we are stressed things from the past, which we have not dealt with can emerge and effect what we are doing now.

Check with your GP what is available that way but also the health visitor may have some ideas of what counselling services there are and could recommend some. In my experience, in the past, GP's would rather prescribe than recommend alternatives like counselling but that may have been because that was all they had available.