Am more of a lurker than a poster. Really feel like I need some help and this section of MN seems the most relevant to me. I have had General Anxiety Disorder for the whole of my life which is a depressing but true statement. Despite this I lead a normal life and have, probably had two weeks off ill since starting work at 18. I am now early 40s with two DCs of 4 and 7. I sometimes do think the fact that for whatever reason I do keep my head above water means that I don't get any real 'help'. My life on the surface could not be better, I am happily married, the two kids, live okay, not rich by any means but manage (again head above water springs to mind). I also have a part time job in the caring profession which suits me and I love. My parents and one sibling live overseas - they moved not me and i don't live in my hometown. My first family living overseas really gets to me TBH especially as everyone around me has mums, sisters, aunts etc helping and supporting daily. I am very quiet by nature and an introvert though I put on a 'front' sometimes and lately I can't be bothered which means that I am turning down social invitations.
One of my issues which I think about daily is that I was sexually abused by a teacher from ages 11 to 16. I only acknowledged this recently both to myself and told a few other people when all the Jimmy Saville stuff came out. The perpetrator I have since found out is dead and I haven't told my parents or friends from that time as I know it would cause a lot of upset yet there is nothing I can do about it now. A couple of newer friends know as does my DH. I did ring a helpline but they were worse than useless and that put me off. Also my GP though lovely and helpful when I have a physical problem just doesn't seem go get 'anxiety' at all and treats me like I am an annoying malingerer. If you are still reading and can identify with any of my story I would welcome your thoughts. I feel like I need some online support and friendship and some advice as to what to do next. I will try and help others when I feel a bit better, thank-you.