Feeling on high alert due to work and life

[Lifesicks]

Two years ago I was signed off in my old role for depression. I received CBT and through rest, I eventually got back to 'normality'.

However I've noticed my anxiety/ depression has slowly been returning. My current role is working in a SME. It's going through rapid growth and feel like I'm under a lot of pressure in my role. I've started to question my ability and been suffering from insomnia and stress due to confidence issues. I rang in sick today which seems to have caused me to be the focus of gossip. I confided in a colleague that I was stressed and unhappy, and as a result of that discussion I do believe that people now think I can't cut it. My phone has been off today but I've just received texts from a number of colleagues asking if I'm ok and that I can come back.

Being the focus of gossip coupled with my returning MH issues are causing me a lot of turmoil. I'm not sure I want to go back on Monday!

Any comforting words would really help as my head feels like it is spinning. Thanks

Sorry, am posting again. I'm still feeling extremely anxious, think I really don't want to go back to work! Have convinced myself that everyone will be gossiping about me. Annoyed that I confided stuff and now it's been passed on to my bosses.

Try to take a few deep breaths (sorry slightly patronising) but anything to keep the anxiety at bay for now- hot bath, walk around the block etc.

As for any potential people gossiping, it is a symptom of anxiety/depression to think the worst or be paranoid. It is unlikely that people are gossiping about you (at least to the extent that you are imagining) and even if they are, please please try not to let it make you more anxious. A lot of people have MH or emotional issues or other difficulties dealing with stress etc. Any decent colleague will only be concerned for your well being, not trying to catch you out or anything like that.

Easier said than done, but please try to switch off from work over the weekend - I'm sure all your colleagues will be.

Even if you do need to take more time off work, remember MH issues is as much an illness as anything else and you deserve to be treated with respect in terms of your recovery journey.

Wishing you well.

Thank you, I didn't sleep well at all last night. I don't seem to be able to switch off as my mind is racing.

I'm not enjoying my job at all but the bigger anxiety is that the culture I work in has caused my fears to escalate. I don't want to face their whispers and chatting behind my back. I think everyone now knows I am not happy and want to leave which will make it difficult for me to return. I am very stressed but not sure who I can talk to in the team. Their understanding is more to feed the gossip culture, it's hard to trust anyone and is causing my anxiety and low mood to return.

Just want to hide away in my room today.

Have you discussed with your gp?

I'm going to see my GP on Monday. I tried to speak to a few of them this weekend and got called paranoid. I told DH that I don't want to return as it's not a healthy environment for me to be in. Very hard to justify/ talk to people who don't understand that you have mental illness, equally I don't want to be the source of gossip, faux concern.

I've not switched off from work stress at all, hope GP can advise me on what to do.

Good luck for today

Also popping on to see how you are?

Thanks for your concern snog and doodlemum, it's more than I received from my so called friends at work. I think one has spread malicious rumours about why I'm off but I'm trying to ignore and not get stressed about which is not easy.

My GP was very understanding and has signed me off and arranged for me to see a counsellor in a few weeks, I'm a priority case as I started to get upset and breathless as I explained to him.

I don't feel relieved or at ease now I've been signed off as the office politics and issues are still clouding my head. Wish they would disappear.

Thanks for listening.