I'm hoping that people on this board will be able to help me see this for what it is, and formulate a plan of action.
DC3 was born 3 weeks ago by elective c-section, which all went very smoothly. She is a dream baby, feeding and sleeping well, and I absolutely adore her - no bonding problems. But I find myself getting increasing anxious about my health, and her health, and life in general.
In a nutshell, I had an absolutely horrendous birth with DC1 - I won't go into all of the details (it would be too long!) but it culminated in an emergency section after a 3 hour second stage, a PPH for me, 10 days in SCBU for DC1. Thereafter followed a stubborn wound infection, various health concerns for DC1 (as a baby - he is fine now) a nightmare of a time with breastfeeding, a baby who refused to be out down and who woke hourly all night for the first 6 months, and just a generally awful introduction to motherhood. I am crying even just writing this much. There was a time in the early days where I really thought he might not make it, and a brief time in theatre where I thought that I might not.
2 years later I had DC2. I had an elective section, which went fairly smoothly - there were a few issues in theatre, but nothing too dramatic. Breastfeeding was difficult again, and DC2 didn't gain weight well. At 3 months old he developed a major infection, and had 2 weeks in hospital. So although it was a better postnatal period, it wasn't perfect. Again, he is a healthy toddler now.
3 weeks ago I had DD, again by ELCS. I managed to get myself in a real state about the section, and didn't sleep properly, even by pregnancy standards, for about a month beforehand, so was utterly exhausted before she even arrived. I had a panic attack on the operating table as they were about to start. The team were lovely, and I am so grateful to them for their help and support. They calmed me down, and the section went absolutely smoothly. DD has been a dream to feed, and is almost the perfect baby. I'm still not getting a full night's sleep, obviously, but it's much better than I'd expected with a newborn.
And yet I find myself feeling increasingly anxious. I am checking my wound constantly for signs of infection, worrying whether my bleeding is too heavy, taking mine and DD's temperatures numerous times a day. I can't bear to let visitors hold her (really I wish that visitors would just go away and leave us alone!). I'm googling to work out what a "safe" timeframe is in terms if things going wrong - e,g, can I now rule out postpartum pre-eclampsia? Every little twinge induces panic. Every time DD feels slightly warm, or sounds like she's breathing a little fast, I worry (and commence hourly obs, SCBU-style). I feel less and less like going out, and am dreading DH going back to work next week. I am still, 5 years later, having flashbacks to DC1's birth (not DC2 or 3s, though). Sometimes when I'm just falling asleep I dream I'm in theatre when he was born, and wake myself up with a jolt and in a sheer panic.
I know that this stage is likely to be time limited, but I just want to get on top of it. DC3 is definitely our last baby, so I won't need to go through his again, but I don't want it to spoil her early days. My community midwife was lovely but we are now discharged to the HV team, and I'm not all that keen on the health visitor. DH is kind and sympathetic, but I don't think that he really gets it, and he's not that big on feelings although does absolutely tonnes in practical terms around the house and with the older DCs.
What do I do? It might be as simple as self help / relaxation exercises, I just need coping strategies for the next few weeks, and any advice would be very welcome.