Please help me not to sink again

[Ikeatears]

I can feel it, I can feel myself getting lower and I can feel myself wanting to do less and less.
I have had a few episodes like this and they do seem to start around this time of year.
I've been ill over new year (cough, chesty etc) and still don't feel 100%. Dh has been very attentive but I think it's because he's scared that it's more than the physical symptoms that keep me returning to my bed.
I have been off work for Christmas for 2 weeks and I think the thought of returning is making me feel worse. I started in September and I don't like the job - it's a lot of stress for not much money but gives me time off in school holidays. I really don't want to go back but financially I have to.
I'm scared that if I let myself sink I won't be able to go back and then when I really have to go back, I'll dread it even more.
I want to curl up in a ball and ignore everything.
I'm pretty sure I'm sinking because I always want dh around me when I feel like this and I really didn't want him to go to work today (I didn't tell him so I'm not as bad as I have been in the past)
Any advice to stop this before it takes over

Hello, no definite advice I'm afraid, but I can empathise and understand everything you have said, I have already begun to "think" about I might feel in January or February-which are /always have been my worst months of the year.

Beginning to sink is a scary feeling,I know it well :(

Stay strong.

Thanks for the reply.

Try to get back to work, it does help me- gets me doing something else and out of the house , is there anyone at work you could talk to ?

No, no-one at work, it's a fairly new job but I really don't like it. I made a big mistake in taking it. I'm dreading Monday

Hi ikea. I am in the same boat. Difference is maybe that I have been here before so I feel less overwhelmed by it. I have just started taking citalopram again - I know the signs by now, and I accept I need help. It sounds as if the stress of the new job combined with SAD are the problem for you. SAD is a big issue for you but it doesn't hit until christmas is over - I find the busyness of preparing for christmas keeps me going and then....I just drop of a cliff. I haven't had 2 weeks off but even so I am dreading work on Monday. The idea of having to sit there for a whole week and all the logistical stuff of work/school is filling me with lethargy.

Have you seen your GP?

Can you try to get outside more? I find my load lifts just being outside, for a walk or a run. It's my biggest weapon against the black dog.

I don't feel like going out because I physically don't feel well.