Does depression ever really go away?

[Rainicorn]

I'm struggling at the moment and teetering on the edge. Not sure if it's just a combination of everything going on in my life at the moment, or if depression is back.

I first had depression aged 16, then again at 19 where it was seriously bad I was suicidal. I had ptsd and pnd after I had DS1 and pnd after ds2. In 2009 after I had DS3, my HV suggested I saw a GP as she thought I might have PND again. I didn't go, but I had counselling a few years later due to other things.

I'm contemplating going to the GP in the next few weeks, I need to anyway as I have to have a follow up from my gynae appointment.

There is a lot of crap going on in my life at the moment, a lot of high stressed issues which individually I could cope with but they are all happening at the same time and my head is a tizz. I can't seem to prioritise anything, I'm eating my feelings and the next persons as well. I'm so fat, I need to lose weight for an operation, date to be agreed in 6 months.

I'm scared to talk to someone about it, I've tried to speak to the few friends I have but as usual they're not interested and turn everything back to them. I don't feel anyone wants to bother with my problems as I am usually the go to person if they have a problem. DH is supportive, but I'm hiding this from him as well, he has his own problems and don't want to add to it.

I'm scared to start talking about what I'm thinking, about showing my true feelings and emotions. If I start crying, I don't think I'll stop. I was feeling quite suicidal a few months ago, thankfully that passed, but it still festering at the back of my mind.

Wow, sorry, this turned into an epic post rather than a quick question.

Nobody?

Sorry you're feeling so low, I'm feeling quite similar at the minute. I also have lots of things going on, which on their own would be manageable but all together have become overwhelming. I often tend to feel worse at this time of year too.

Are you on ADs? I've taken them on and off for years but find the depression always returns, so I'm now on a low dose which I've been on for the last five years. The doctors occasionally suggest I try to wean myself off them, but I don't really want to because I think they keep me on an even-ish keel and I think my depression would be much worse without them.

I'd definitely speak to your doctor about how you're feeling. I know you said you don't want to burden your DP but speaking to him might help.

I'm trying to take one 'problem' at a time and get my head around it, and kind of prioritise things. I'm not sure how well its working for me! But at least it feels as though I'm a tiny bit in control.

Hugs for you, depression is a b@stard.

Rainicorn so sorry you are feeling so low, I have just had my third bout of depression my first one was when my son 18 months that was 2000 and then second was when my daughter was born in 2007, I have been on anti depression for all that time, with my third bout just beginning of dec, I suffered badly with it all, went to my GP who changed my meds abit and saw counsellor and on waiting list for CBT, I know you may think will it ever go away, but I can honestly say it does, It will take sometime but you will get better, as you can see I am still here, when I felt low and with sucidal thoughts I felt terrible, but I had my kids to think of, how would they feel with no mummy that would kill me, so I took each at time, went for walks tried to eat better but I couldnt eat properly for 3 weeks ans lost a stone in that time, but i got there in the end, and now making up for what I lost weight lol and will be taking my meds forever if it helps me say stable.

Your first step is to talk to your GP, then thats your first step for getting help, I know alot of people dont like admitting it, but sometimes you do, and I can gladly say I am not afraid to admit to people I have had three times, Let me know how you get big hugs x