When will people beleive me?

[littletikes]

I have been depressed now for nearly 2 1/2 years since my 1st ds1. I noticed various problems with him so i went to my hv she said i was talking rubbish. Then other docs and consultants too. He is now almost 3 and there are still the same problems but now he is older it is even more difficult to deal with him. I have been referred in and out of Great Ormand Street many times. But because my son acts really well on visits (he is usually in glory of all there toys and colourful play rooms) they do not see what i see and others that look after him see. He is so loud too, that wears me down (screaming all day or shouting) I do not believe he has adhd but maybe someother form. He is very bright and helpful, he strithes on being taught something new, but as we all know, you can not do this all day. but is very highly active and has a very short attention span, along with his eating intollerences. I can not cope most days with him he is too wild. Because he is so active he then probably gets tired and this makes it worst. But it is like a restling match to get him to lie down and have a nap.

My friends all have big age gaps between their kids and really do not understand having only 15 months. I do not keep in touch with many now as i can never go where they want to go.

Help i feel like walking out. My dd2 is so well behaved compared to him but she gets none of my attention and i hate myself for it.

bump

can't really advise on your son

are you getting help with your depression though?

My ds was hard work, but always wonderful in company! Is your son bored? Mine is quite bright and, with hindsight, I think he needed more stimulation. He loved learning things...just a thought.

Does your DS go to pre-school?

If he is bright and likes to learn then perhaps he would enjoy the stimulation - it would also give you some time to spend one-to-one with your DD.

Oh sweetie.
It must be unbelievably hard for you. I had a DS that was incredibly hard work and even my DH didn't believe the extent of the problem.
I am hoping that his behaviour is a phase which he will grow out of, but I also realise it's all too easy to balme it on a "phase"
I think you need to address your depression before your son. If you are depressed then your tolerance level for noise and hyper children will be much lower.

Have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling?

lunamama, thanks i am seeing a physcologist now as i refused medication as i am still breast feeding my dd2 and am on so much medication for my own illness. My firnd 10 years ago alos killed hrself whilst depressed and on medication so am worried about that too.

If he does need stimulating more, i can not give any more than i am as my life is pretty hectic. i can not fit in any more to my days. Its only me looking after them 98% of the time, 24hrs a day.

(thinking about it maybe he is bored of me!!)

Wow icant seem to write quick enough.

He is a 2 preschools and they say the same thing as me. Very short attention span and very very active. For example when he runs all the teachers have a hard time getting him. SO you can imagine how harder time i have with a 21 month too.

sounds like a handful- I have a 16mth age gap between my ds and dd too so I can relate a bit. Why don't you check this website out www.b-i-r-d.org.uk, I used to work for them and we had loads of kids who sound a bit like your son.

soph28

Thanks for the link. It sounds similiar to the DORE programme. I have read about it and enquired and it does tick a few boxes but my ds1 is too young for these programes. My local CAMS are not inerested eithr as he is under 5years and they do not have the funding etc. ISn't it a shame that medics will not detect things earlier maybe we could save time and money.

do you take your kids to groups etc.....do you have any support network to speak of...gettin out and about with kids especially when depressed is hard ( had Pnd after DS for 4 yrs...venlaflaxine really helped......have been well now for 2 1/2 years....) but worth it in the end.....

don't be too hard on yourself.....you need to nurture yourself too so you have enough reserves to give to the kids...

don't want you to feel that I'm pressurizing you but you don't need referral or funding for BIRD- they have a bursary award system which is means tested and the youngest child that they will take is about 18 months.

also when you say the DORE programme do you mean DDAT?

Sorry that i have not been able to carry on with this. My computer went down and has only just been fixed.

Referring about DORE this is the programme that Toya WIlcox used. www.dorecentres.co.uk.

I went to see my physc today and feel really low so i am going to bed now. (hmm just as the comupter is fixed too. I will carry on tomorrow if anyone wishes to chat.

Hi littletikes

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Can the pre-schools do more?
I know in our area every pre-school has an Area SENCO they can call upon for support with parents permission. This SENCO can come in and observe the child over a period of time.
If he is difficult at pre-school too then at least he/she will see him behaving as he normally would rather than like you say suddenly becoming an angel during appointments!!
The SENCO can make referrals if they feel it is necessary or give advice on behaviour strategies, support groups etc..

Littletikes i am sorry you are having such a rough time , can i just ask you if it is possible that your little boy has been affected by your depression and the arrival of a little sister ,perhaps he needs to be loud to get attention . Does his pre school say he has any other problems other than being louder and faster than the other kids . The reason i ask is that ( i am ready to be shot down in flames ) i really worry about labelling children when they are so young , after all we allow adults to be different ,i know some fairly manic adults who are happy well adjusted people who simply have alot more energy .shorter attention span than others ., with degrees and families . This of course is no comfort to someone with 2 small children who is suffering from depression so i will shut up and go away

Message withdrawn

littletrikes I am at your hv attitude. The fact that you have gone to her for help and support and received none.

I have no idea what it is actually like for you, what your routines are etc so cannot comment on the affect of those.

I think it probably seems very overwhelming right now, breaking it down into smaller issues may a starting point. Are you getting time out for you? enough sleep so you have the energy?

I just looked at the time of your posts and guess that was after little ones bedtime and that you wont see these posts till tongiht.

I hope your day to day is ok and not too hectic.

Depression is a crap thing to go through, there is a light at the end. You sound very caring and concerned mum, please dont let others negative comments get you down x x

Hi - just a thought - has his hearing been checked recently? A friend had a DS who was very hard work and sounds a bit like your DS. It turned out that he had hearing issues - had grommits fitted and is like a different child.

I would definitely advise you to tackle your depression issue first. I read the description of your ds and he sounds very similar to mine. I was very depressed for many reasons but dealing with my over active and fussy ds made everything 10 times worse. I just couldn't cope and was hospitalised for a suicide attempt. Things just got too much. Since then they put me on ADs and dealing with my son has become so much easier. He is also much calmer because I am. Try speaking to your GP about your situation and see what he reccomends.

I am so sorry that again i have failed to contact you all. I am reading your notes etc. I have been thinking about going back to the docs and maybe getting something on prescription. (i hope you will not be shocked) but i am still breast feeding my 21month and did not want any substance to upset her digestive system or anything else. I have crohns disease and am very sensitive as to what medication i swallow and that i give to my kids. As i am also on so much meds myself already.

I will answer you better tomorrow as my day has been quite unbeleiverable. I found out that my sons pre school would rather save the name of there school rather than tell me the truth about what really goes on with my son and his behavour. One teacher whispered to me that she thought at first he had adhd but now whe belives it to be something else but not sure what. She also said he has a very short attentions span and is realy wanting to be busy all the time. At last someone else has seen it. But she said that she was really not suppose to tell me that as the school does not allow them to be that open. DS1 does really well at this school and loves it there and this is why i found it a shock. Its not a state or high class private preshool but it is more expensive than normal. It has less children in it as i thought this may calm him. (He has just started aother one that has double the amount in the class and he is always really wild before and after school, and aparantly during). The head misstress at the main school tells me he is eating his school meals i can not get him to eat anything at home but two hot things since the age of 9 months. But the dinner lady told me he is not eating a thing. I know the school can not get enough children to stay for meals so obviously if they say all the kids eat it looks good and entices other mums to get their children stay.
ALso a report abut my sons behaviour was suppose to have been done 8 weeks ago and its still not been done. This delays my hospital referalls.

If this does not make sense i will explain better tomorrow. God i am mad. All i kept thinking today was life is just too hard, if i did not have my kids i would definately not want to be here.

There are prescriptions you can take without risk when bf, I presume you are talking about antidepressants. I had to go back 3 times to make sure thy had given me the right ones for bf, but they are out there. Don't think you are mad, my ds is about the same age and is driving me up the wall. I was having such negative feelings about him which are starting to alleviate now I am on ads. Mine is sometimes a complete angel and sometimes a total nightmare, he whinges for England, demands all my attention, climbs all over me, terrorises the baby etc etc. I am reassured by my hv that he is normal. Have you tried going with him to a playgroup where you can compare him to other children? You may find he is no worse than many others, and if he is worse you will have concrete evidence of how. Does he sleep ok at night? if he's overtired that will make his behaviour worse?
go back to the gps for yourself and chase up that report with whoever is responsible for it and you need to talk to the teacher about the conflicting reports on what he eats.
hang in there, i am reassured that it does get better!

I would be very interested i the name of the friendly meds whilst breast feeding.

I think my lowness is also contributed to my life. I can't believe that i am now going to tell you pretty much the whole thing but i know no-one knows me and i can easily change my nickname in future.

I was very ill from 19 -26 which eventually the docs found it to be crohns. By this time i could not go anywhere without being unable to control my bowls. I could be driving somewhere and have any accident or walk somewhere and it could just happen. I have had a massive op but still this can happen. SO if you think of a 30ish old person having these problems, it isn't quite what you would expect when you meet me. I can not book anything up in advance with the kids or myself as i never know how ill i will bne on the day. i let people down because of the disability of the illness. I can not walk very far or exert myuself too much either. I can not eat so many things too. So When i had children i thought great i could be off with them at home as my work life was always too hard to manage around my illness. My partner is on a low income and has to work away for 5 to 14 days a stretch. My mum is 75 and finds it too hard to look after my son, she does not drive and lives 30 miles away. SHe also critices too much. I do not have any family around. All my frineds had children 10 years ago and had so much support from the family and partners that came home at very reasonable times and off at weekends. I have had to start a small business of my own to bring in more money. But i have to work whilst i have the kids as we can not afford childcare. Neighbours are all very old to help. New freinds find ds1 too much too or do not want to deal with his allergies etc.

There is so much more too. but i think i will be typing all year.

My day was not so bad today. I know typing this has made me feel better. Maybe thats it, i need to write things down. But still the problems do not go away as i still have the things going on on top.

Do you belong to a support group for crohns - is there one?

i have crohns and belong to a support group...it's national, and they do newsletters and meetings...

mine is nowhere near as serious as littletikes....but i get an inkling of how debilitating, scary and painful it is from my own experience.......i think having a chronic illness contributes to depression.....

and when you are stuck at home with small children,feeling ill and unable to get out, its hard...

where are you littletikes..there must be a mumsnetter near you who could pop in and have a coffee with you.....

you have so much going on it must be overwhelming

until your depression is being adequately treated , you will struggle to plough through everything else...

Thanks all. I use to live just outside london and use to go to some meetings in town. Especially when there were speakers there who were suppose to know a lot about crohns. The meetings that i attended were on everyday life and eating etc. The speakers were always almost told by the attendees that they did not know what they were talking about as all of our experiences had been the opposite to what they said, So i stopped going. I know about 3 people with crohns. All are very mild and there lives have not really changed.

I did have homestart come in for a year. But funding became a problem and because i had inproved we all thought that i could attend there playgroups each week instead. SO i do go there and it is good. I do miss the conversations with my buddy. She has now been passed on to someone else. SHe was amazing. I can not bring myself to tell her the state i am in again. They also did mention that i have ongoing problems which could take a long time to sort.

So i suppose i am not very good at coing at the moment again.

My son ws assessed yet again today to see what his probelsm may be. The assessor stayed for 1 1/2 hours, during this time he was a little angel. His keyworker said the moment she left he changed into his usual self. Hard to handle.
I picked him up at lunch time he ran out of the school and it took 4 mums to get him before he nearly got ran over. For a while i kept thinking that maybe if he did get ru aover it would be a way out of what i had been going through. Then i had to go shopping. He got out of the car screaming etc as normal. WOuld not hold my hand, buggy, rains on, wrist band. I decided to only go and do the urgent shop as it was going to be hell. We arrived in the baby shop (i was looking for a buggy board). He pulled everything down off the selves got behind the counter and got a stick waving and hitting everything in site, pushed all the buggies off the stands and was also jumping on all of them. I and all the assistants were trying to catch him, we also told him not to do all what he was doing, he would not play with toys that the assistants did give him. He was sceaming when anyone went close to him and a whole lot more. I then began to cry and cry and cry. A lady that was in the shop watching what was going on asked me to have a cup of tea with her. So we went to a cafe where more disruption went on. She began to tell me about her 3 sons and that they behaved in exactly the same way. She said it was a long process but they were finally told they had adhd, add and other forms etc. She said that she thought my ds1 definaetly had it too. I told her i had been battling with various medics about my son but they would not belive me. She said i know medics dont.
It was a relief that someone could see what i see and recognise it rather than being bad parenting. I know i do not cope very well with it and i suppose that does not help the situation but i can not stand anymore appointments. I am in and out of appointments every week with still no answers.