Why can't I find it easier to be happy?

[goshme]

I've 3 absolutely gorgeous dd's (7, 3 & 10 mths) & a brilliant husband but I just can't help tending to always feel on the low side of things.
I'm on Citalopram at the mo & have been on & off it for the last 5 yrs.
I just really want to be happy but at the moment feel more blue than happy. I find that it's worse when I'm at home by myself & my dd's so I always try to have as many trips out as I can manage. I would even prefer to go to Tesco's with them then stay at home! I just can't understand why I'm like this as I've got lots of good friends & I know they would be really surprised to know I feel like this but I feel too ashamed to admit the true me to them
Sorry, just can't see an end to it at the moment. Don't want it to rub off on dd's.

Also meant to say I know I'm probably drinking too much in the evenings but just need something to look forward to! I try to have at least 3 alc free nites per week.

Hi goshme

I like a drink too but I have to say that when i was on citalopram I found that drinking really affected its affectiveness so I kept it to a minimum. The second time I was on ADs I had venlaflaxine and that didn't seem to be nearly so affected by alcohol.

Tesco was my preferred place to go than staying in or doing anything with the baby. I now have three children aged 5, 3 and 16 months and it is getting easier. I have heard that bananas and lettuce are good things to eat as they have the natural serotocin in that we need to be happy. Hope you feel better soon.

Goshme - alcohol is a depressant once the initial euphoria has worn off. It might be a good idea to drink slightly less - am I right that you are not supposed to drink on Citalopram?

Most people who are depressed have no logical reason to be. You aren't alone by any means. It is horrible isn't it...For me, the worst bit is looking fine and no-one realising you feel so bad. It is not like we have a plaster cast and get lots of sympathy! One of my friends spots when I am low, but I can hide it from most people. I also keep in the house while ds is at school and avoid as many people as possible. I realise that makes things worst, but it is a cycle I can't seem to break as I just don't feel at all sociable. The irony is that seeing people makes me feel brighter!

DastardlyDevilishDior - you're right, it does recommend not drinking with citalopram but even when I took it during pregnacy and didn't drink at all then I still felt the same as I do now.
I think I just need a mega boost of serotonin so it's good to learn that bananas & lettuce are a good source!

If its not working for you perhaps you should discuss with your GP the chance of trying a different AD. TBH I didn't get on well with citalopram (although I know lots of people find it helpful) that is why when the depression came back I asked to go on another AD.

Thanx amynnixmum, that's a good point!