Could you please talk through this and help me get things straight if I decide to see a doctor.

[Aubrianna]

I will try to keep this short!

I posted a thread in chat last night here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2268318-Can-anybody-take-a-guess-what-is-wrong-with-me?

and somebody posted about bipolar, I have looked at some things about it and it really really fits what has been happening for the last few years. I didnt post many details on the original post because they are a little personal and tbh I didnt feel like i wanted to get into it at the time but many of the things listed were pretty much a description of what I have been going through.

Last night I was convinced that I would make a doctors appointment as soon as the kids are back in school but now it is daytime again I keep thinking it is a really bad idea and that I should just get on with things on my own.

I think what I really need is to know is what is likely to happen and what information will i be expected to share, I find it very hard to talk about and I am concerned that it may affect my family (if they think I cant cope as we have 5 children) or my job if it makes me feel even worse by doing this.

Hello there - Thanks for the link and yes MH is better place to post than chat. I think ginandcampari is talking good sense and you said yourself that the description of her life (and many impulsive changes) sounds so much like yours.

I really think you must see a GP - book a double appointment. This isn't going to go away on its own and could get a whole lot worse. One of the worrying things is that when people are out of touch with reality (which can happen with some mental illnesses) they don't believe there is anything wrong with them, and so don't seek help and things just get worse and worse. It's just another of the ways that mental illness confuses us.

I think it was gin who suggested you make a list (bullet points) of exactly what is happening with you and don't leave anything out and you can either just hand it to the GP or use it as an aide memoir. You aren't going to be telling a GP anything that he/she hasn't heard hundreds of times before - one third of all GP consultations are mental health related, and 1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental illness at some point in our lives.

Do you have to wait till the kids are back in school? What are their ages and do you have a support DH/DP or someone in RL who you can confide in - it's usually people who know us well who can see the changes in us.

Sometimes a GP will refer a patient to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment, as GPs knowledge of mental illness is a bit limited, and they only usually diagnose depression and anxiety.

SO please make a GP appointment and make that list..............

Let us know how you get on.........there IS help available and you need treatment sooner rather than later.

I saw your thread yesterday and while some of what you've written sounds like hypomania, I'd be looking more at possible hormonal or thyroid issues as they can mimic / cause hypomanic symptoms.

I have Bipolar II and it's not a less severe form of Bipolar, it's instead characterised by repeated and severe depressions interspersed with shorter periods of hypomania and it can be very debilitating. It's a condition you have to report to the DVLA for example and I'm on a yearly renewal of my license because of it.

There is a 3rd type called cyclothymia which is a bit of a rollercoaster where you go from mild depression to hypomania and back again which is another possibility.

Bipolar tends to start in teens / early twenties with some markers before that. If this is something that has only happened in the last few years since you started using internal hormonal contraception and/or you've not experienced the depressions then exploring that route first may be more beneficial.

I'd still say go to the GP, but go with all the information down. Try and go back over time and see what your mood was and whether there were any life events or changes that were going on at the same time. Take those notes with you.

The only people who can properly diagnose you will be a psychiatrist, but they will want to explore all options with you before coming to any decisions. One of the first things they're likely to do are thyroid tests, so be open to all of that when you go.

Thanks for your replies.

Nana- I have a DH who tries to help but tbh he mostly just ignores it as much as he can and then picks up the pieces after (which I hate).

I was just thinking it would be easier when they are either in school or childcare so I don't have to take them with me . They are 10,8,5,4 and nearly 3.

I went to my old gp years ago who said I had anxiety but that was the end of it.

Keema- I have had bouts of depression , but I always had that along with anxiety and panic attacks I used to have (rarely have that now oddly).
I don't really remember when things started tbh I know the last 2 years or so things seem to have got worse in terms of the changes of plans but I know there have been episodes in the past where looking back I was behaving very oddly.
I am embarrassed to say this (and this is one of the things I am worried about admitting to a real life doctor) but a few years ago (maybe 7 years ago?) I went through s phase of being convinced I was oy "ok" in my bedroom- It was ok to leave it for short periods to say go to the toilet or get food or whatever. But I really didn't go further for probably about 6 months. I don't rember much of it now being a few years ago and can't remember WHY I thought this.

I actually got married in those 6 months - I have no idea how since I clearly had to go out to do that but people talk about the wedding and I can't really remember much about it at all.

Again embarrassing but I remember at one point being convinced that if I moved my head to fast ...I would break my neck

I think that is the worst that ever got. I slowly realised it was extremely abnormal (my Dh ignored it - he just lets me get on with whatever). I started making a list of goals for the day . At first it was stupid stuff like "spend 10 minutes in living room " but gradually it got up to a full day of being "normal"

I still do this because it reminds me what a day should look like. It's a joke at work because there lists are very good my whole job is basically based on my ability to make a good list! But the reality is if I dont I know I will do something stupid like quit my job again or have an affair or something like that.
Ok I realise I sound utterly crazy now and that is what seriously worries me - I no longer believe I have to stay in one room or that my neck will break but it worries me to tell people in real life that I did at one point really think this .