Is anyone around? :(

[whitecandles]

I will try to keep it short. I'm so confused and depressed.

I am in Korea, but from the UK. Things have mainly been going well. I suffer from BPD and depression, and this affects a lot of things in my life, especially relationships. My behaviour is not always great and I panic and shove people away. I am getting therapy and have been for a long time.

I was seeing a guy. We got on so well but we had a couple of arguments, mainly due to miscommunication I think. Both times I said, well, we should just split up then. At the time, I really felt like it, and I felt like I was bad for him. But this time, he's said, fine, that's what we'll do.

I am in bits. I have had to take a day off work because I am being sick and crying constantly. I have thought about suicide and I don't feel safe.

I feel like maybe I should just go back to the UK. I know my parents would let me stay with them, but maybe I'm just trying to run away from my feelings.

I just need someone to listen. I feel so alone.

Sorry to hear that.

First off, do you have anything like the Samaritans there? Or other IRL support?

If it weren't for this guy/immediate situation, would you want to come hone anyway? I.e. in general, are you content with your life there?

Sounds like the relationship just wasn't working. It sucks when they agree too easily, but it's for the best that it's over. Try to hold onto that thought.

I hope your ok.

Maybe you want to go home. Call your parents uo for a chat to get you through this. Do your have anyone in RL there to talk to. I dont lnow whay services are there for you, but suicide IS NEVER THE ANSWER.

Keep posting if you need to, there are people all over the world on this site to hold your hand when you need it.

Please be kind to yourself and take care.

Hi whitecandles, sorry to hear you're having a rough time you do need to get some rl support asap, your life is important and we do need you here. Can you talk to your parents or friends?

You know yourself and your illness well enough to understand that it can affect your decisions. Can you postpone any final decision about moving until you feel better, or make a choice and give yourself e.g. 3 months to see how you feel about it. Then there's no pressure to move/stay.

Did your ex know about the bpd/depression and how this can affect you? Maybe it's worth considering letting any future partners know to help you weed out the supportive and understanding ones and avoid the assholes.

I don't know what else to say but you can get through this and keep posting

the British Embassy can help you find some mental health care in Korea

Email
[email protected]

Telephone
(+82) (2) 3210 5500

they are open now - until 5pm this afternoon

hope you feel better soon

also this centre

www.korea4expats.com/service-Adaptable-Human-Solutions-Counselling-Therapy-Seoul-828.html

thank you for all messages.

i'm in some kind of daze and can't reply.

i can't believe he left.

How long were you together? Either way you asked to end it and he did. I think you need to spend time with just you before thinking about him/anyone else. If he really is a good 'un, when you have a clear head write him a letter explaining the situation. Hope you're feeling better this morning (no idea what time it is in Korea!)

Still thinking about you and hope you seek some help.

I know its hard when someone we care about leaves, but you are strong and can make it through this. Please, please contact one of the pp support lines above.

Take one day at a time, one minute at a time. Be kind to yourself.

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your messages. I was in a really bad way when I posted. Luckily, feeling a LOT better now.

It's SO hard here. There is a lot of stigma about mental health here (way more than at home) and work have access to medical records and details for anything you claim on insurance. I know how crazy that sounds, but there it is. There is just no way I would even consider going to a hospital in a crisis, cos I don't know what would happen. It does NOT feel like a safe thing to do.

I have a therapist in the UK and we are working on a plan for better things to do in a crisis. Clearly any measures I have in place now are not working. And since there is really no crisis care here, and I am happy with my therapist in the UK, there's not much else I can do, in terms of professional help.

I also had a long chat with the guy and we're trying again. We haven't been together long, but things move a lot quicker here (people get married after 3 to 6 months, normally) so it's been quite intense. We have agreed to take things slow and to be a little more careful with our words with each other. And I told him about my illness (a little, not all the gory details, but just the basics) and he was really understanding.

Thanks again for the advice and listening and links.