Can I add something here?
firstly I am really sorry for your distress, and secondly that taking responsibility for how you feel/act is definitely a brave and helpful thing to do to make a change.
There is something terrifying for you about exploring your emotions in any way, and the shutting down of people that start to become close to you reflects that also.
I think it can be a very dangerous thing to look at some labels and their symptoms, because everyone has some of them, they are on a spectrum, and they can also very much indicate other underlying problems that are nothing to do with PD's.
I very much agree with Snogs question, many things that people present with from fractured attachments fit PDs, so self-diagnosis on this basis is extremely damaging to you because it denies trauma.
The way you describe your actions do fit very well with a response to your description of your rs with your DM.
The other thing that makes you different and not the norm when it comes to PD is your remorse about yourself, your sadness, and wanting to take responsibility. It sounds a lot more likely that you are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, and opening up here is very brave and a most excellent start 
Its not just about 'blaming' (again, a trait that is prevalent in PD's) which you don't want to do, it's more about finding the reality of how that felt for you.
As children yes we are totally self-centred and not so good at managing our strong emotions, but the pressure of someone who behaved the way your mother did toward you, not liking you, will frame your expectations of the rest of your relationships, and not allow you to fully experience your emotions, shutting them down, like you say.
I hope you can find somewhere, here or elsewhere, that you feel safe to explore these things. The shaking when you get near to emotions is a bit of a giveaway. Emotions once out though wracking at the time, when they leave you have peace and learning, you will feel differently thats for sure.
take care.