Do you ever feel like you bring it all on yourself?

[Mollymoofer]

Hi everyone,

I've been here before under a different name. I've been on ADs for just over a year, still feel like I'm getting to grips with them/life/myself. Not really sure anymore.

I've noticed that when a crisis happens close to me, but not directly affecting me, I tend to get really involved. I think it's important to help people where I can. But this takes it's toll on me and then on my family. Does this sound familiar to anyone? How can I deflect outside problems but remain a good friend???

Being self-aware of your own self-defeating behaviour is a great step in the right direction. Does helping others boost your ego (momentarily)? Do you feel valued as the "go to person in a crisis"? It can be exceedingly draining to mother all and sundry on an ongoing basis and you may need to identify other, better (for you) ways of boosting your ego. And to learn to say no and step away from other people's problems.

When they do the safety briefing in an airoplane, they always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting children and other passengers. You need to do this in real life as well. If you overextend yourself then you will end up being no use to anybody. Look after yourself first, and if you're feeling ok and that you have some spare capacity, then help out other people. Don't feel that you're responsible for solving everybody's problems.

Thanks both. Yeah, maybe I am moving in the right direction. Does it give me an ego boost? I suppose it must. People have always said I'm a good listener and easy to trust. I find it hard to say no, makes me feel guilty. But I think I haven't always known when to back off and I suppose that can be annoying for the recipient of my good intentions (!) even when they've been happy to take my help...up to a point. I'm still working towards healthy then - that's good to realise.