Be careful what you wish for ...

[TheJourney22]

So from the age of around 19 I always knew I wanted a baby, I yearned for a baby threw my twenties & early thirties.

I had tried & failed. Had 2x miscarriages etc ...

I then randomly fell pregnant at 36 (shocked but a welcomed shock & surprise) I was totally single (just think birds & the bees situ) living the high life in London, basically living the dream of a single persons care free happy life, earning good money, great flat etc ... yet in the back of mind I always yearned for a baby (not necessarily a relationship?!?)

So fast forward and my DS is now a year .... Yep I went for it, I thought I can do this & the old woman ticker was ticking away. I have got exactly what I wished for

BUT .... Why am I so fucking fed up, miserable, bored & down right hating most days

I won't be going back to full time work as it doesn't work out £ for me, but I am trying to find something P/T

I have moved back closer to my family so I have a good support network with them & I have made some wonderful new friends who are fantastic!!!!

Yet I now yearn for my old life!! Freedom, basically being selfish ......

My DS is beautiful, funny, growing healthily yet I find it so go damn hard, boring & monotonous - I am crying typing this as I'm so ungrateful!!!!!

So I think my question is (as let's face it I can't send him back!) when does it get easier? When will I enjoy doing stuff with him? When will I find it not so hard? Or is this motherhood & was I utterly delusional & naive?!?

I can thou hand on heart say I would've regretted it more had I not had him ....

Suppose I just needed to get it out on paper

Thank you if you got this far quite frankly ....... "So as I say .... Be very careful what you wish for" x

Ah babies are bloody boring. I know some people love then, and maternity leave. But not me, and I've done it twice. Baby groups were boring and all those pooey nappies and puke just did me in.

When they start to get a personality (around 2.5) they are more fun and you can plonk them in front of the TV with a bag of crisps and a juice.

I really don't enjoy the baby bit, it is relentless and boring. I think it is especially hard if you are used to working then you get a squawking bundle who needs 24/7 attention.

My eldest just turned 3 and I can put Frozen on and give her a drink and snack and she's happy. She is like a little friend now, I can't wait for my 15 month old to grow up.

It's hard work, being at work is easier for me

It's a big life change. I was 38 when I had my first. If you think you're depressed no harm in speaking to your GP but to be honest some of us just aren't baby people. It is hard work, I am finally getting some joy out of my just turned three year old.

I feel exactly the same as you. Different situation as I had mine when I was 21 but I feel resentful (feel awful saying it) towards my child sometimes. I feel like I have sacrificed my youth (he's 5 now) and for something I don't particularly enjoy. Of course I love him but can't shake the feeling of loss for what my life could have been.

Blimey .... I am just so pleased I am not alone!!

Thank you for your kind replies.

Don't want to wish time away but I am!

xx

Yes I'm the same had my DS at 41 my other two DC at high school.

DS is 2 I'm a single mum n it's the hardest job I've ever done. Myself and his dad have just sorted joint custody so they now have him 3 nights and me 4 and it's such a relief

So I'm not abnormal to feel like this?

I love him & I would literally walk hot coals for him. But Jesus it's tough, boring and mind numbingly dull.

I'm trying to find P/T work which is so effing hard, I've been top of the bastard career ladder and now can't get a damn thing!!!!

Anyway ..... Just needed to get it out there & understand I'm not a freak of Mother Nature. All this blah blah "I felt the gush of love shit" winds me up too as I didn't .... I thought I would but I didn't

But maybe the day will come when I can sit down and do some activities with him, take him to the park etc & enjoy it.

Right now..... I just miss my old life.

Thanks for reading all x x

Yep, welcome to the mummy track. Ironically grabbing me by the short & curlies a few years further down the line.
You're not unusual, Op. But at least you're not alone.