I've already put an entry on a different part of the blogs but was suggested that I try here. I have a much wanted so though IVF, and a partner who lives nearby. We co-parent as much as possible. I have had recent depressive thoughts but was getting over them. The recent news of a double suicide of distant friends makes the whole idea seem more doable, even though don't believe I'd have the courage to actually do anything. I have an autistic condition and have been sober for 10 years, although I bought my first bottle of gin in a decade last week. I'm not being very clear, but I feel I have lost overnight any feeling of love for my baby son I've ever had. Insane. I'm tempted to up and leave and vanish with no forwarding address. My mind isn't working straight and if abandonment is the price people pay so I can rediscover a form of sanity, then I'm truly considering it.