Years ago, at college, I had an abusive relationship that left me wrecked for a long time. I had to drop out of my course and I feel I have been trying to make up for it ever since.
I have done countless other courses to plug the gap in my training. I have worked hard to try and shake this feeling that dropping out and that man left me with - that I am not good enough, that I am rubbish, worthless, a failure.
Last week I had an interview for my dream job. I worked all week towards it. Seven pages worth of interview notes, I couldn't have done more than I did and it wasn't enough. I got good feedback but I didn't get the job. I am so sad right now and all those ghosts are up and at it. That awful sense that I am basically never going to be good enough, that what that man saw in me that allowed him to do the things he did - that that is what I really am. Trash and no use for anything, a failure.
Obviously I know this way of thinking is not helping but how do I begin to unpick it? It feels deeply engrained, I don't even know where to start.