Hey, sorry if this gets a bit long, I'm just really looking for some coping mechanisms cause my usual ones seem to have failed me this time.
I started councelling a couple weeks ago, it's mostly just me talking and the councillor listening. Only had two appointments, the first was all form filling and questionair type things with 5 mins at the end to talk about what I wanted to get out of it. On friday it was just me talking about everything really and I'm suddenly feeling everything that was put away and hidden, every bit of pain is back and I just can't stop feeling it.
Had a minor breakdown last night, had been fine chatting away on mn and keeping busy with the little ones during the day but feeling kinda hyper and it just feels like a sudden crash after they went to bed and I was left on my own.
It could be a combination of being sick with throat infection/unable to eat cause throat is that sore/feeling emotionally shakey after the councelling on Friday but I've not broken down and cried that much for in so long, not even when I had my breakdown. I ended up feeling hysterical, crying that hard I couldn't breath and I couldn't calm down and that's not like me. I cope with the shittiest of things, I'm stronger than this, I've had to be strong for the past few years and suddenly I can't be, I feel shakey and emotional and in so much pain from it all.
I've got my little ones to look after, no friends or family here that I could ask to help out. My dsis is normally the person I phone when I need a boost but she's just had a baby and is so busy/exhausted herself that I can't call her. I wouldn't want to put what I'm going through on what's one of the happiest times of her life either and there's no one else to turn to.
The social work got involved when I had my breakdown start of this year and are closing my case on Wednesday, I don't want them to think I've suddenly taken a massive step back. They've been amazing to me, helped so much but it felt so good that they finally thought I was well enough to not need their support. Obviously if I still feel like this come Wednesday then I'll tell her how I feel but I'm hoping to pull myself together by then.
I don't want my little ones seeing me like this either but I'm really struggling. So does anyone have some good coping mechanisms? Ways to stop me feeling so shakey and overwhelmed. I know I'm stronger than this but I just don't feel it right now.
Sorry if this seems rambled, I can't seem to think straight atm.