Brother missing, sent goodbye text

[solitudehappiness]

My brother sent two texts saying goodbye today and has been missing since. The police are out looking for him.
Can't sleep am so worried.
Had family on the phone crying etc. we're all really worried.

he can't see how worried people were.
I guess he's not seeing anything other than drinking

Why does he drink, that's the question. Many who drink have diagnosed mental or neurological problems.

eg...People with autistic tendencies vulnerable to alcohol problems
Autistics have a lack of social imagination, they literally cannot see the people trying to help or the consequences of their actions on others

Others use because of abuse etc

I dont think many choose to be addicts, I think there usually is an underlying cause.

Glad your brother has been found and I hope you all find a way through this.

*un -diagnosed

Cope? Not sure I've coped very well. I guess the saving grace is that my brother truly doesn't want to drink. But he has a monkey on his back that just won't go away. He's going to have to live with that monkey forever. I can't imagine how hard that must be for him. He just has to find things in his life that are more important than that next drink.

I was a bit of an enabler, though, and maybe a little too helpful? I finally spoke to a counselor who gave me some things to think about. How my behaviour was more hurtful than helpful. Instead of always checking up on my brother and offering myriad suggestions for sobriety (that he wasn't ready for) I told him that I would not be around him when he was drinking, that he would have to be sober to be in my home. That I would no longer try to talk him into rehab, that he would have to call ME when he was ready to get sober and ASK for my help. That I wasn't going to sit there and watch him kill himself slowly. It was really hard, I felt I was turning my back on him.

But he did call, he did make his own plan, he did ask for help. It's early days but he seems to be doing well. He knows that he needs to keep himself busy and involved with people and things, because he tends to isolate first, then start drinking. He's attending day-classes through the rehab program and has found a program that he thinks may work for him in the long run. One day at a time. Fingers crossed. I'm not looking too far down the road!

If you haven't, see an addiction specialist. It can be wonderfully empowering and allow you to do what is best for him AND for you!

Thank you all so very much for your messages. I know why my brother drinks. He's a very unhappy man, and uses it to forget everything. Saw him this week and he was staggering around drunk. Totally heartbreaking.
I've said I will do all I can do to help him. But, a very useful suggestion I've read on this thread has helped. I am going to try and suggest he can get my help when sober. Sounds awful and mean, but this whole experience is so draining. I have to think about my own mental health, and that of my own immediate family.
He will only stop drinking when he is ready, and it must be a scary thought.
He went awol for a few days. Told us he slept rough and was stabbed in the foot and robbed. Said he was so frightened. He's seeing a consultant on Wednesday to see if he can go into rehab.
Ultimately, he has to want to, and I feel so much love and can see his pain.
We hugged when he left, and I could tell he was crying as he didn't want to look me in the face. I held back, until he left and broke down. He hugged me so tight.
It's heartbreaking watching someone you love destroying themselves. Especially when you know the demons they are escaping. Wishing so much they would find the strength to get help,

solitude you & brother are in my prayers. It was the hardest thing I had to do, telling him that I wouldn't talk to him or see him if he'd been drinking. And you are right, my being upset and the time I spent on him when he was drunk did take away from my own family (and they need to be our priority).

It's a hard, long journey. One that will never end for him.

If you want, feel free to PM me or post here if you need support. Try Alanon or another family support also if you feel it would help.

Thanks Isabeller for suggesting Alanon. I wasn't aware there was such an organisation. I'm looking at their website now, and will get in contact with them. Have spent some time looking into legal things and other stuff for my brother today.
I guess I can give him all the information, and its up to him if he decides to act on it.
I've decided for my own sanity I can't and won't be around him when he is drunk anymore. Its too upsetting, out of my control, and I really can't bear it anymore. Seeing him in such a state, and not being able to say anything is too much to handle. He flies off the handle at the slightest thing, so its like walking on constant egg shells.
On a positive note, its been very reflective and enlightening for me. I've had a good long hard look at myself, and been quite honest about changes I need to make in my own life. :)

So glad the suggestion was useful. Thinking of you x