Is councelling good?

[dhw]

I had 4 sessions with a bereavement councellor in January after my first stillbirth which I found very odd but quite helpful I think. To be honest I only went because I thought it was the 'right' thing to do. Since my second stillbirth at the end of May I haven't had any councelling because I haven't wanted to - I wanted to deal with it in my own way.

I struggled after the first month with PMT on top of how awful I was feeling anyway. I was prescribed anti depressants. These have definatley helped - the PMT has all but gone - this is a serious life changer for me - but this week i have been feeling extremely low and have no excitement about anything and frankly can't be arsed. I want to run away and I've cried loads today. I know that this is all 'normal' etc etc, but I'm wondering if councelling would be beneficial.

My mum feels that going over old ground doesn't necessicarily help - it just keeps the wound open as it were. Just wanted to ask anyone what their thoughts on councelling are....

thanks
dhw

I think I would probably go and tell the counsellor right at the start that you're not sure how/if it could help you. The worst that could happen is that after a few sessions you might decide that it doesn't help you at this moment in time and you may want to revisit it later.

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your awful losses and wish you all the best.

thanks cn

sorry shameless bump...

Message withdrawn

dhw I've had counselling before and I think it did help because I could say stuff that I couldn't say to anyone in RL. Having said that, there are good and bad counsellors and you have to find one with the right approach for you.

I do think though, that for me there comes a point in counselling where I just have to say to myself "sh*t happens, get over it".

I have not had counselling, my mum currently sees a counsellor and it seems to help her with some of her issues. I don't know what difference it will make but she finds it helpful.

I think I would go in your position, of course you eventually have to leave old ground and move on but the counselling could help you leave with more strength perhaps?

I've personally found counselling very helpful, although in dealing with the very different situation of a rather dysfunctional childhood. But I do agree with anniediv, it's really important to find someone you are comfortable with, and not to be afraid to 'shop around'.

And I do think that there is more to it than just 'going over old ground'. My eldest sister died at birth more than forty years ago, and my mother has found herself speaking to counsellors and SANDS about it quite recently, and I don't think that would have happened had she been able to deal with it at the time and had the support that is available now. Rather I think that counselling enables you to process it and move on, and actually let the wound heal rather than leaving you with a painful recurring scab.

I do remember your threads, by the way, and am sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad now, and do hope you find a way to feeling better.

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I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through.

As far as counselling goes, I have both had counselling and done a lot of counselling training (and counselled children). I can tell you it definitely helps ONLY if you want to be there and you trust the counsellor. Enforcing counselling on people never helps. I haven't got much experience of bereavement counselling but I have to say that your last experience is still very recent - so I can't help but think it's really not old ground?

I also tend to think that when you're not sure what to do, taking some action, no matter what, does help. You can always put a stop to the sessions if they don't help you.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

thanks for your thoughts - will do some phoning around i think.