15 yo dd diagnosed with depression.

[thornrose]

I had to take dd to the GP this morning as an emergency as she said she wanted to kill herself yesterday. She has Aspergers and life is tough for her, it's all come to a head and she has had enough.

She isn't actually at risk of suicide but the fact that she feels so bad that she can only express it by saying she wants to die breaks my heart.

She doesn't want to do anything but she is bored. She is lonely but she is pushing me away.

She said she doesn't want to be around me right now and that she doesn't feel right in our home. We were able to stay at my sisters for 2 nights but we are back home now. I am really struggling to fight my feelings of rejection as I know this is not about me.

I don't know how to help her if she keeps pushing me away? We are waiting for a CAMHS referral but what can I do in the meantime? She said some very insightful things earlier which put me to shame. She was very clear that this is her battle not mine. She's my child though and I can't fix this but I so badly want to.

I hope CAMHS see her soon, we are getting lots of help (my daughter is also 15, has a social communication disorder, is depressed and extremely anxious, has OCD, a long list of difficulties) the psychiatrist has been great, we see him and the psychologist regularly and she also has a care coordinator and a support worker. The most helpful thing has been giving up on mainstream education (not that she attended often since year 5) and finding a specialist unit with just a handful of other children.

While we were waiting I just tried to apply stuff that helps me - a good wake/sleep routine, fresh air and exercise and for her to experience success where possible. We have horses so they tick lots of those boxes. But I can't seem to help her diet, she lives on nesquik and nachos, I think if she could eat well it would help. I also try try try to get her out of the tiny spheres she is comfortable in (house and yard) but not much luck yet.

Did gp indicate how long the waiting list might be?

Oh dear she just turned on me and wass calling me all the names under the sun. I think she is calling me what she actually thinks she is? (Armchair psych!) Waste of space, useless, ugly etc.

Telling me she's going to run away tonight while I'm sleeping. Run in front of a car etc etc.

She's quietening down just now.

She also has anxiety and has had OCD and intrusive thoughts.

I think she's going to be referred as an emergency. I'm waiting for a follow up call from Young minds over the next 7 days.

Can't post much right now, but if she is still saying she is suicidal and you take her to hospital, her camhs appointment will then be fast tracked and she will also be assessed there and then by them too.

did they give you an out of hours number to call if need be?

(horrifically when they overhauled out services they forgot to provide out of hours care for young service users)

The GP told me to take her to A&E if she was at immediate/actual risk of suicide. She is very naïve for her age and she actually doesn't know how to commit suicide as odd as that may sound. She can only say she'd jump of a cliff or run in front of a car!

We don't have an out of hours number, no. She's calmer now, but repeatedly telling me I don't love her.

:( your poor dd. Aspies are very prone to depression, as I am sure you are well aware. Sadly ime CAMHS often aren't well equipped to deal with it, as they see the ASD before the actual MH issue and as they (dc) come across as articulate and intelligent, MH workers start saying there's no problem...impress upon everyone that you see from MH services exactly how concerned you are and if you can, please get her school or any involved professional to back you up.

You are doing so well to realise so early on that it isn't about you, or in any way anything you've said or done. please try to stay as strong as you are, you sound like a fantastic support for her.

Thank you MrsShrek3. I just said to dd that all through her life I've been able to fix things. Put on a plaster, rubbed it better, given her a hug but depression sounds so grown up and so "unfixable". She then said "you never fixed my Aspergers!"

I think dd will be very convincing when she sees CAMHS, she has this sudden insight into what she is facing if that makes sense? She actually told me this is her battle not mine when I made the mistake of saying I felt she was rejecting me!

Sorry, to clarify, I didn't say to dd that depression is unfixable. I just feel helpless, that I can't fix it.

I wonder if anyone knows what medication might be offered to dd for her depression. I'm worried about side effects but I think she is beyond counselling at the moment.

What a sad thread. I feel so sorry for your DD and for you too. Teens can be complicated at the best of times. I hope you all get the support you need.