Any mummy's with social anxiety?

[ChelleBelles]

I'm from Kent originally so I'm a southern girl. Aged 37 and have two boys aged 1 and 3. Moved to Yorkshire recently. I have social anxiety and can't make any new friends because of this. Would really like to get to know others who are going through the same thing and hopefully make some new friends.

When Ive been low in the past ive had what I think was mild social anxiety. I would find going out easy, chatting to people as I'm naturally outgoing but then I could spend days replaying conversations and worrying about what people thought of me/parenting/child.

This at it's worst got to a point of nt going back somewhere because I felt I'd ruined it for myself. I would do something else like so goto library instead of play group.

My health has improved for other reasons and I taught myself to think differently. Quite recently have learned not care what other people think. I mind my manners, Im clean and presentable and thats that. I also gave myself permission not to need lots of friends - i.e. I just concetrate on a small few.

We moved to where we live about 8 years ago and had to start from the ground up re making a new life for ourselves. So I know it can seem very lonely at first and if you have anxiety it can seem so much harder.

I think if you can keep going out to places park/soft play/coffee shop it helps just to be out and near other adults if you know what I mean. You dont have to talk to anyone. - this takes some pressure off.

Goto the same places every week and eventually it regulars will smile and make eye contact. I think it all feels like being a teenager again and dating. It took me two years to feel established.

apologies for all mistakes - I have my toddler buzzing around.

Hi andsmile

Thank you so much for your msg. Going out is do easy for me and I can make small talk but it terrifies me getting into a conversation with someone. Most of the time I either freeze and my mind goes blank and I just haven't a clue how to respond and when I do try to respond I get all my words mixed up or I lose my train of thought. I start getting anxious then I think it percieved me as being abit weird. Then I go home and think about what had happened and think that people think I'm unsociable, or ignorant, or weird and it goes on so I too think is ruined it for myself so I avoid going back there! What's hard is that I have social anxiety towards my partners family and think they all think I'm weird and I don't make the effort or don't want my kids to have much to do with them and I think they don't like me. They have not said this it's just what I keep thinking all the time and it makes me uncomfortable when I am around them. It's horrible! I too don't need many friends but my two good friends are down in Kent. I guess it's just nice to talk to someone who understands x

chelle I do opposite I talk too much and lost my tranin of thought. I still work on this and have to try hard.

Mine did get to the point where this one women was always a bit cold towards me. I teared up one time then worried all day and week about why this women didnt like me. What is worse it will get to a point where I start bitching about this person in my head, looking for things to make myself feel better. I still said cheery hellos evenafter all this.

I know this is not straight forward but I recently have worked on my self esteem. Professionally I took a knock confidence wise which I've finally manages to draw a line and move on (still occasionally worry about if people are talking about me) Personally - well I had DD. I just think Im quite sensitive, very intune to slight changes/hormones etc which can make me quite emotional - she is getting older and easier now. But also I have been treated for Vit D and low B12 - both of these are associated with low mood and anxiety. Getting me energy back made me feel renewed. I got a bit of confidence back and more so now I am able to train at gym again.

In terms of those negative thoughts (sorry if im patronising here I dont know how much you have read up about this) I have learnt to tell myself that these are nor actually me (like the essence of my very being) they are bad thought patterns I can chose to ignore and not respond too. Until someone presents me with firm evidence/confronts whatever I do not need to think about this or act upon them. So a good Q is 'is this actually happening or am I thinking about it' the answer is always NO it is NOT. Its like you have to actively practice taking control of thought patterns - we build these up over time and start to believe them.

I also had a thing happen (oh its long ranty story) with some school gate mums (a wendy) which really knocked my confidence - but I realised those subtle things I'd picked upon I was right about. Someone else also noticed so I felt I wasnt going nuts after all. I spent a whole year getting really worked up over the school run - my behaviour changed. Anyway I got through this but the single thing that really helped me was this article:

inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/

I read this a lot and still read it at least once a week to remind myself it is only me, DH and my kids that matter - anyone else outside this is a bonus.

Hello Chelle
I moved from kent ro derbyshire It is a bit of a culture shock, and people up north are lovely, but the social signals can be a bit different
What has helped me with social anxiety is getting cbt through the gp.
It sounds too as if you have had a lot of stressy things happening in a short time, Im not surprised that it feels like this atm. Get yourself to the gp for a bit of talking therapy.
Also, I think the school gate is quite tough if you have just moved area, it takes time to make friends. Be kind to yourself, seek support and help for yourself, and give it time. Much love to you

I moved to Yorkshire from the south about a year ago. I have found it really hard and like another poster I tend to over analyse conversations from social/mummy's groups although i try to be friendly and chat to people. I'm the first of my school friends to have a baby and don't think that helps as often feel a bit isolated and out of my depth. Feel like everything is new- new house, new area, new friends etc.. Even my parents have left the area I grew up in so miss having that comfort of 'going home' too! I've had counselling not sure if it helped but makes me feel like I tried something!

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if a lot more ppl feel like this than let on. People are always shocked when I say I struggle socially so it obv doesn't show!