Just want to talk

[whostolethesocks]

Firstly I'm not suicidal although I do think about ending it and ways of doing it if that makes sense. But I know I won't ever do it. Maybe if there was a button to press that would make it easy I might. I just feel so down all the time. I cry every single day and worry about what it's doing to my (teenage) children seeing me like this.

By back story is that I found out in 2010/11 that my exH was having an affair. Finally ended the relationship in 2012 and got divorced and sold and bought a new house in 2013 so I've had a lot going on. Along the way I've also met a new man who is very supportive and loving but I don't want to constantly tell him how I'm feeling. So to everyone else it seems as though I've got my life sorted and have moved on with a new partner and new house but I still feel very hurt by what I went through (and ex H is still being nasty) and am having problems coping. My children are being quite challenging and I feel as though I'm such a bad mother. Sometimes I lose my patience with them and shout or just breakdown and cry. I have to work so can't spend much time with them (during the holidays, etc). My house always seems such a mess when all my friends seem to have such lovely houses. And sometimes I see my friends with their partners/husbands and wonder what I did to deserve what my ex H did to me. Every time I go on Facebook I seem to see posts by my friends celebrating their wedding anniversary or something and I just find it so upsetting.

I know I shouldn't moan as my children and I have our health and I know of people who are battling cancer right now. This makes me feel guilty for feeling the way I do but I just want to stop crying and feel a little happier. Sorry for the rant.

I know this is a standard response but have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? Suicidal ideation and crying every day is a fair sign you have depression.

You've been put through the wringer in the last couple of years and you've every right to feel down.

You are not a bad mother, children are challenging by nature and I'll be honest I shout at mine more than I should. It doesn't make me a bad mother, just human. Don't worry about the housework, as long as you have clean clothes and food on the table the rest can wait. Don't feel guilty (easy for me to say).

Deffo see your GP. You don't have to go down the anti depressant taking route if you don't want to. There are talking therapies available such as CBT. It sounds as though you have held a lot in and the dam is at breaking point.

It's also good to have a moan on here, we're pretty supportive x

Thanks. I know I should probably see my GP but I'm not very good at that sort of thing. You make a lot of sense.

If you don't feel able to speak to the GP directly try and write it down. I had to do that because I don't do crying in public. I am to tough lol.

I just said I'm not well and handed her my note.

I kept pushing on for so long I lost the plot entirely. You sound as though you genuinely need support right now. Don't let it get worse.

I felt better once I addressed it. Well actually worse at first but better after, is your GP approachable?

You really do sound like you have been through a lot over the past couple of years and need a little support. Talking therapy may be good for you, letting it all out to an understanding stranger can be cathartic x