Just started ttc. Have 2 dds prior to anxiety/depression issue. GP happy for me to stay on meds whilst pregnant and breastfeeding. 75mg of Amitriptylene and 40mg of Propranolol. I cut down gradually to 40mg of Amitriptylene over a number of weeks but have had to jump back up to full dose because my mood was so bad (down, shaky, nervous) I dropped my Propranolol for one day and a week later I'm still suffering with nervousness and intrusive thoughts (I also have BPD recently downgraded to BPD3 from BPD1 as its been 8 years since I last had a psychotic break and have more or less been stable for the last 6 years) so my thoughts have been whirring like this:
"I can't take meds whilst pregnant. Its wrong and I'll harm the baby and worry constantly. But if I don't take them the feelings will be unbearable and I will be an awful Mum and wife and DH will have to resign from work again to be my carer and take over everything with the house and my kids. DH has only ever asked me for one thing: a child. He's managed to get past his fears. Now I need to. But I can't."
And so on and so bloody forth. DH has lost a son to SIDS so for him to want a child at all is astounding to me and I had pretty much resigned myself to never having children with him.
Sorry for rambling.