I shouldn't be here.

[Spaceboundeminem]

I have bipolar 1 rapid cycling.

I have come out of a episode a month ago and now I feel one starting.

My kids deserve better. My dh deserves better. I should leave.

I felt my dead grandad calling me earlier. I am hearing voices to go back to my abusive ex who raped me and beg him to take me back.

Ok,

Your kids, your DH deserve "YOU". Bipolar is no fun, but it's part of the deal. They know that, they still want you.

My DH has bipolar. It isn't nice for me or the kids when episodes happen - but we love and want him. Nobody else could ever fit his place in the family and we'd be lost without him. He says we deserve better sometimes, but he's wrong. This is exactly how your DH and family feel about you - you might feel they deserve better, but you are very, VERY wrong. Nobody can take your place and life would be a thousand times worse for them without you.

Obviously you know the voices are not telling you things that are good for you, so do your best to ignore them. But do tell your CPN so you can access the right support for now.

Thank you I'm sorry you also go through this.

I am scared to tell my dh I'm I'll again I don't want to see that dissapointed look on his face.

yea I know, but it's not you he's disappointed with, it's the illness. But you can fight it together...

Thanks I know I should tell him and he has been watching me suspiciously all night so I think he knows.

But I'm still hoping it's just a blip and saying it makes it real.