PND and loneliness

[GingerCuddleMonster]

I'm really struggling, not sure why I'm posting but feel like I just need to write it all down and get it out

I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy, he is perfect in every way but I'm just so down, and I feel guilty for feeling so down, he's a great baby sleeping through the nights and is no drama at all, he is smiley and happy, very content hardly cries but yet all I can do is cry, and I can't figure out why?! others have much more difficult babies with colic and reflux and I have none of this, so what gives me the right to feel so down?!

I feel horrible every day seems like a chore, I'm fed up of feeling so down and depressed, it also didn't help that I feel so lonely, I am the first of my social circle to have a baby and now feel like I have very little in common with them, they still party and enjoy late meals out and even though they invite me I have to decline.

I feel so isolated so alone, like I have nobody to talk to, recently we had a bit of trouble changing formulas due to constipation and I realised I had nobody to ask for advice or an opinion and it left me feeling quite empty.

I don't know what to do, who to turn to I just feel so alone and down.

I don't know why I've written this and if you've gotten this far, thanks for listening xx

Hi Ginger, so sorry you feel like this. PND is such a lonely place to be, especially I imagine because you're kind of out of your social circle at the moment. There's so much guilt that comes with parenting that sometimes it's unbearable.

I had PND and still have good days and bad days not I'd say hang in there. A good day is just sounds the corner. How old is your baby boy? Also have you been diagnosed with PND? Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? You said you didn't have anyone to talk to re constipation. Have yuppy been able to socialise with your bub since he was born? Mind when my daughter was a baby I barely wanted to leave my bedroom let alone socialise.

Sorry for all the questions... Hope you're feeling OK at the mo.

Geoff xx

Sorry for terrible autocorrects! PS how have your friends responded to you having a baby? Have they been supportive?

Oh Ginger that sucks. Have you spoken to anybody in RL about this (GP, HV)? Please don't feel guilty for feeling so down, many women do and there is help out there if you need it.

You don't say how old your baby is, but being a new mum can be isolating, particularly if your existing friends are not at the same stage. There are many groups and activities out there for babies and it could be worth giving them a try? I found that while I didn't make any close friendships (I'm quite shy) I could usually chat to other mums for an hour or so and it was nice to have some adult company. I tried a few groups before finding a couple that I liked. Maybe this is something you could think about? I appreciate though that if you are feeling very low it might be a bit much and in that case your first step should probably be the GP.

hey all, thanks for the replies xx

he is 9+3 and I haven't really left the house much, I'm currently on fluoxetine from the GP and I'm hoping it will soon start to take effect. My friends have been ok(ish) but none have come to visit me and baby, and that does hurt a little.

I think I may try to find a baby group to go to, that does sound like a good idea. I think the lack of social/human interaction is a major part of how down I feel I just feel so isolated.

Oh good Ginger, glad you are getting some help. Hopefully the drugs will kick in soon.

It is pretty crap that none of your friends have visited. But just to put a more positive spin on it, for both of my babies I think some of my friends hung back in the early weeks because they didn't want to crowd me or put me out in anyway. I ended up having to make it crystal clear to people that it was ok to come round. But this explanation may be too charitable for your friends!

Glad that going to groups might be something you could try. TBH with my first I found it helpful to go out somewhere everyday, even if it was just round the corner to the postbox. In my area the Surestart children's centre and NCT both run Bumps and Babies groups. If finances run to it there are also things like baby massage and baby swimming, I found these quite good as the focus is on an activity and if you're not feeling particularly sociable you can just have a little chat at the beginning and end of the class yet still feel like you're part of the human race.....

Parenting can be really isolating Ginger, esp if you have PND. Read that article on BBC news thia morning, I think mental health for new mums is really overlooked. Hopefully the meds will be helpful. I'd say that getting out and about is one of the best things you can do. Gives you a focus and hopefully bubs will love it too plus you may make some friends.

Your friends sound like they've been a bit rubbish. That must be contributing to how you feel. Though I think people don't empathise sometimes I.e. don't realise how important it is for them to visit etc. Probably they're still lovely but just absorbed in their own things.... Would you feel able to make the first move and invite someone round or arrange to meet? Coldhandswarmheart said it right, I think you do need to be crystal clear sometimes. A few of my friends were totally crap when I got married but after the event they acknowledged this and apologised. Just had their own things going on...

I hope today's a good day. I really would say that getting out and about can help. And eating well. And cutting yourself some slack. If a day in in PJs and eating pot noodle will suit your mood go for it.