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I cant explain the way im feeling

15 replies

Ludoole · 18/10/2014 18:44

Im struggling at the moment with juggling everything. I considered going to see my doctor but have no idea what to say as i cant really explain how im feeling and anyway i dont think theres anything the doctor could do.

Sometimes i wish i could walk away from everything but i know i cant.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/10/2014 18:56

Hi Ludoole. Can you list everything you are juggling and and prioritise the order they are bothering you?

nachohousekeeper · 18/10/2014 18:59

Also might be helpful to keep a mood diary for a few days. Writing stuff down helps you understand how you are feeling but also helps you not to minimise feelings.

Make a note of things like not wanting to do things, how you are sleeping, whether your appetite is affected etc

Sparklingbrook · 18/10/2014 19:00

Yes, it helps to keep track. Do you feel different in the morning to the afternoon etc?

nachohousekeeper · 18/10/2014 19:16

Just another thought, if you do go to your Dr, I would highly recommend asking for a CBT referral. I have had anxiety and "low mood" on and off over the years and telephone CBT has by far been the most effective intervention I have had.

Plus, as much as I fight against it, exercise and fresh air are one of the most effective ways of dealing with negative feelings. Although it is important not to set yourself unrealistic goals otherwise that just becomes another stick to beat yourself with if you don't manage it.

Ludoole · 18/10/2014 21:58

sparklingbrook
The things im juggling are:-

  1. Hospital visits with dp (he has stage 4 cancer and is palliative treatment only)
  2. Looking after my dad and mum ( dad has alzheimers and mum has depression as a result)
  3. Trying to spend quality time with ds' s as they are struggling with the above also

Its just hard!
Nacho I struggle to talk to people face to face about what im thinking/feeling hence why I come on this forum.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/10/2014 22:02

I am sorry Ludoole, i was wondering whether you could drop any of the juggling balls but clearly not. Flowers

I would definitely think about having at least a chat with your GP, that's an awful lot to be dealing with.

Ludoole · 18/10/2014 22:05

Also between dealing with the above i get very little time to myself. I tend to stay up late just for a couple of hours of sitting quietly time.

OP posts:
Ludoole · 18/10/2014 22:09

The worst thing is knowing that im losing my best friend of 20 years. We only got together as a couple 9 years ago and when hes gone nobody will be able to replace him.
Just seems like as i found my future its been ripped away.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/10/2014 22:40

Ludoole I really think a chat with your GP would help and maybe some counselling.
You may think that talking about it is the last thing you want to do, but that's what they are there for.

nachohousekeeper · 18/10/2014 22:51

Gosh, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. Have you been referred to a palliative team? Someone in the team might be able to help. There is a lot of support around for families.

So sorry you are having to deal with all that .

Ludoole · 18/10/2014 23:24

We havent received any support other than the lovely nurses who administer his chemo.
He is very much like me in the sense that we talk to each other very openly and honestly but find it incredibly hard to discuss emotions and thoughts will anyone else.

OP posts:
nachohousekeeper · 19/10/2014 00:27

That's understandable. No need to pour your heart out to professionals if you don't feel comfortable. Maybe ask the chemo nurses for info re counselling just so you have it should you ever feel like talking?

It must be incredibly hard. Do you have RL practical support with your parents or is it all up to you?

Ludoole · 19/10/2014 00:54

I have a brother and a large extended family.
My brother could take up helping mum and dad but doesnt.... hes fairly useless and very unreliable...
Extended family slipped away during dads illness... so they are useless too.
I feel like its dp, the kids and me against the world.

OP posts:
Defenbaker · 19/10/2014 02:02

Ludoole, that's a lot for one person to deal with - no wonder you're feeling a bit lost.

I know something of what you're going through. My parents are also in their 80s. Dad has dementia, along with various other health problems, and Mum has always been prone to depression, which got worse as his dementia worsened. Their marriage was not a happy one to begin with and Mum didn't have the patience to deal with his dementia. For several years I cared for them both on a part time basis, along with help from some paid carers, but in the end the situation became untenable for everyone involved, particularly Dad. Last year he went into a care home, and is now happily settled there. Mum is still living in her own home, with paid carers to support her (she has no real health issues but self neglects and needs a lot of prompting on hygiene matters).

I am lucky in that I have a very supportive husband, but unfortunately he now has health problems of his own. My husband is also my best friend and I have no close friends to lean on in RL. In your position, I would spend as much time with your husband as possible. You mention that your brother is unhelpful/unreliable. I think maybe you need to be a bit blunt with him and explain that he needs to step up and take his share of responsibility in supporting your parents in their old age. If he really is unwilling/unable to help then contact social services and ask them for a full assessment of your father's needs. SS may be able to offer a support package of carer visits, to take the pressure off you all. As the disease progresses, you and your mother are going to need a lot of help so it is wise to get as much support as possible from any source available. It may well be the case that your father's needs grow to the point where he needs residential care, but in the meantime you need help now, so please seek it.

Sadly, your father is very likely to live months or years longer than your husband, so in your position I would do whatever you need to do to make the most of the time you have left with your husband. Your parents' situation is very sad, but bear in mind they have had long lives, so when weighing up their needs against your husband's needs, it seems reasonable to put your husband first, which may involve stepping back from your parents' situation a little, because you can't go on as you are.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Life is just sh** sometimes.

mypip · 21/10/2014 08:22

I am so sorry. mum and myself looked after my father at home. He had dementia and it was just about manageable as long as we kept up with a changing situation. Quite heart rending at times and exhausting. still there was the satisfaction of having cared for him. The entry above is probably right about keeping your husband first. Being unmarried myself I can only imagine how hard it must be day to day and I am so sorry he is so poorly. Friends and family are perhaps the best kind of help, going with you to the hospital and things like that and charities like cancer research uk(?). Will be thinking of you today ludooie

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