Been lurking on Mumsnet for a while, but after a few months of diabolical luck, I've decided to turn to the wise ladies of this forum for an impartial opinion on my current situation. This may be a little long, but I'll award a virtual cupcake to anyone that reaches the end smile.
I married my husband last year after seven years together. We got together when I was very young, 18, and he is the only man I have ever kissed (or been with!). We moved in together after I inherited some money at age 21 and bought a property in an area near my work. A week before we completed in the house, we were involved in a major car accident which led to me losing my job three weeks after we bought the house, just before the end of my probationary period. This was essentially because I needed time off for physiotherapy, mental recuperation and to get a new car, and they didn't want to deal with it.
We had chosen that house to be near to that job, so after a few years there, we decided to put it on the market and move nearer the coast. I found a lovely job at the seaside and a buyer offered 10k above asking price. We found the house of our dreams, and 3 weeks later our buyer pulled out because they had been looking at other properties all along, hedging their bets.
We lost the dream house. Driving for 2-3 hours a day began to take it's toll on me. I started having panic attacks, bad IBS and difficulty getting by. My work have been very understanding, and agreed to let me do flexible hours, but I've also needed to have time off. I put in half an hour to an hour of extra time in every day, meaning I have little quality of life, and get home very late. My husband and I have snapped at each other constantly, and when we haven't been, we have just sat there living separate lives. Our first year of marriage has been so hard.
After another two months back on the market, we found another buyer. We found a house that needed cosmetic work doing to it, with a lovely big garden, and potential to improve and make money on, and we decided to go for it.
After months of dawdling from the lady we are buying from, our survey came back and said that the property needed 3k of electrical work doing to it and 9k of rendering. We got quotes in which is agreed with this. The lady selling the property is only willing to offer half the money. I said that I wanted to get another specialist round to look at the rendering. My husband has not been very supportive, he has left me to deal with everything to do with the house, down to speaking to builders and electricians. As he works in a similar trade, I had hoped he would do this and take some of the pressure off me.
In the past week, I have found out that my Mum needs to have another operation. She has emphysema and the whole thing worries me so much. I also managed to get food poisoning, and I've barely been able to eat a meal and had a terrible stomach all week. I worked on Saturday and by the time I got home I was so weak I couldn't stand up. This led to me taking two days off. My work gave me a letter saying that they were sympathetic, but if I am ill again between now and Christmas that they will have to get rid of me. My manager understands that I put in the time, but others are gunning for me. I don't get sick pay, so I am not sponging, I'm just in a terrible mess at the moment.
The estate agent called me yesterday saying that if we didn't agree to their offer of half the money needed for the repairs then they would take the property off the market and I needed to let them know by the end of the day. My Mum said I should go for it, my manager said that she was worried I would find the repairs needed very stressful, and my husband just turned into a child. He said things like 'tell them 9k or stick it' and 'call them up and tell them they lose'. Everyone was very pushy, and I really needed support from my husband at that point and he turned on me for giving the other side of the argument. He used to be lovely, but he snaps at me constantly now, and can often be really sarcastic, unsupportive and unpleasant. I don't know whether to give him the benefit of the doubt that it has just been a tough year. It is likely to get better when we are sorted, but I'm tired of my feelings coming last. He is insisting that we buy a property with a garage, to the extent of saying 'don't bother' if I've attempted to show him one without one, but all the equity is mine.
The lady buying our house is lovely, but is starting to get a bit antsy.
I managed to get them to let me think about it over the weekend. We can't really afford the repairs, we would need to do a bodge job that may lead to additional expenditure in the future. The building needs modernising. The kitchen is a relic, I can't fit in the bath and so much of it is dirty and unloved. But it has huge potential, it is on a lovely big plot, light rooms and lots of space. If we spend 20k, we could probably make 70k. We have 17k in total, including the money she has offered, but borrowing more could take weeks with mortgages being as they are. My husband is now adamant we shouldn't go for it.
I feel totally overwhelmed. I might lose my job. We might not have a home. I'm worried about Mum and my own health.
Once we are settled, we had hoped to start a family. We had every reason to believe that things would be okay when we moved. My husband undoubtedly loves me, and I used to consider him to be a wonderful man, but he has worn me down recently. I don't know what I want any more, and I feel middle aged at 25. I'd love to travel for a few months, but it feels as if there are so many things tying me down. I want to be ready when I have a child, it's not something I consider lightly. I'm nearly there, but there are still a few places I want to visit and I need stability.
We have made a large profit on our current house, so I have options, I just don't really know what to do.
Do I jack my job in, move back in with mum, and take some time to sort my health out, help her after her op, and do a bit of travelling? He could move back in with his mum for a while and I could put our stuff in storage. This will eat into our equity, but I am actually happy with somewhere a little bit smaller, having slept on someone else's floor for a few months as a child when my mum lost all our money! It will affect my ability to get a job and have maternity leave in the future. I love my current job, they are lovely people, but it is at risk and there is a nasty atmosphere at the moment due to office politics.
Do I ignore my husband and go for the house? It may cost more than we can afford, which could cause problems. It may also lead to me losing my job if the works are stressful. It could be months of chaos which effect my health. It could also make a wonderful family home and make us a profit one day.
Do we sell our house and move into rented accommodation nearer where we work? It gives us time to look for somewhere else, but it is throwing money down the drain and tying us down. I could still lose my job, but it probably lowers the chance. We will lose our fantastic mortgage rate if it takes longer than 6 months. It feels a bit like prolonging the agony.
Does anyone have any other ideas? I am lost and I don't know what to do sad.
Thank you for reading.